Assignment 1
|
|
Assignment 1 Directions
Below are the steps for Assignment 1.
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
If you think this video is useful, please tell your friends.
{ 862 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
Next Comments →
1. I am desperate because my husband has mood swings. I never know the trigger.
2. The meaning I usually give it is that my marriage is falling apart and that’s what he wants.
3. The event doesn’t have this meaning. He might be tired, or may be he needs a doctor.
4. Once I realize this, I feel liberated and much lighter.
Hi Margo,
Using this process to dissolve occurrings can totally transform a relationship. Keep using it with your husband and let me know how your relationship is transformed.
Love, Morty
1. My stomach is tight and my shoulders are tense and I feel anxious because I think my husband will be angry after after I spend more money than usual buying my daughter some groceries.
2. I think my husband has different priorities than I do and has all the power because he earns the money.
3. The event is just that I spent some money. My husband is just worried about finances for the future.
4. My stomach relaxes and I can imagine talking to him about it without getting upset.
Hi Jean,
When the distinction is clear, the meaning does dissolve,a long with the feelings caused by the meaning.
Congratulations. Now, keep doing it and notice how you transform your experience of life.
Love,Morty
When in company of more than one on one, I usually just keep quiet because I feel that I might be misunderstood, not listened to, not important, stupid or incorrect, etc.
What I have to say is not important, not accepted, I am stupid
The event is just that the people are not listening, thinking of something else or to many people are talking at the same time and they cannot concentrate on what I have to say, not because it is me but because there is too much to listen to
Now I know that it is not because of ME, but because of the overwhelming information
Hi Ilse,
It sounds like it worked for you to some extent. The point is not to create a different meaning, however, but to get that the event has no inherent meaning.
Next time get that the meaning is only in your mind and that the event has no inherent meaning.
Love,Morty
I have completed my assignment (see above)
difference in self-esteem.
As I was going through the exercise and differentiating the event from the meaning I had given it i felt a heaviness in my stomach dissolve followed by a feeling of compassion. Thank you Morty.
Hi Jin,
Sounds like it worked. Now keep doing it and transform your experience of life, moment by moment.
Love,Morty
When I did the exercise I felt a relief in my chest and a relaxation and release that came over me. I don’t feel as stuck in my thinking as I was.
Hi Karen,
Sounds like it worked for you too.
Keep dong it and notice the difference in your experience of life.
Love,Morty
1. I have to take over as Teacher in my preschool classroom for three days.
2. I anticipate chaos and the adults thinking I’m inept.
3. This is an opportunity and a challange for my skills and besides…we can still have fun in chaos.
4. Eager to take on the challange.
Hi Maggie,
The point is not to create a positive meaning or utter positive affirmations.
Just get that the event itself has no inherent meaning. That the meaning is only in your mind. When you do the meaning will just dissolve.
Love, Morty
1. When my boss shows for work she is always shall we say for grim, very uncommunicative.
2. The meaning i give it is I am not doing a good job abd I have done something wrong.
3. The meaning is she isn’t a morning person and it has ohing to do with me.
4. I am able to relax and not let her ruin my enjoyment of work.
Hi MIke,
The point is not to create a positive meaning or utter positive affirmations.
Just get that the event itself has no inherent meaning. That the meaning is only in your mind. When you do the meaning will just dissolve.
Love, Morty
1. I tripped over a cord at a clients home and fell (not hurt).
2. I feel like a fool/unprofessional.
3. Reality: I tripped. Occurring: Tripping is unprofessional.
4. Everyone trips from time to time. It has nothing to do with “professionalism”.
Able to let it go and move on.
Hi Maurice,
It worked for you. Great.
Now keep doing it and transform your experience of life.
Love, Morty
Hi Morty
It worked like a charm.
Angry and frustrated at changes at work where I wasn’t included or asked my opinion.
The meaning I gave it was I’m not important and powerless.
Reality is – the changes are beneficial to me.
Oops … my emotions were definitely clouding reality.
Hi Karen,
Yes, it’s amazing how our occurrings create negative feelings that keep us from seeing “reality.”
Keep using this process and notice that you will be more effective in life if you deal with reality instead of the meaning in your mind.
Love,Morty
1. I am afraid to stand up for what is right because I am afraid I will be judged and that my decision is wrong even though I know it is right.
2. Maybe I am wrong and that my decision is based on fear.
3. I am making a decision for what is best for the situation and it can only bring goodness to what is happening.
4. My decisions do matter and can change the lives of so many, for the good.
Hi Darla,
The point is not to create a positive meaning or utter positive affirmations.
Just get that the event itself has no inherent meaning. That the meaning is only in your mind. When you do the meaning will just dissolve.
I think you might have had a difficult time making a clear distinction because you never identified the event.
Try again and let me know what happens.
Love, Morty
1. I am worried about paying my bills.
2. The meaning is I’m a failure/not good enough
3. The reality is money is tight right now; not good or bad
4. I release my fear of not being enough! Nice…
Hi Cecily,
Seems like it worked for you. Congratulations.
Now the trick is to keep doing it all day long. Distinguish between events that have no inherent meaning and the way the event occurs to you, and you will dissolve the meaning and any feelings coming from the meaning.
Love,Morty
I am afraid to stand up and express my opinion.I just sit down and watch.At the same time,I lose opportunities to push myself ahead and have any worthwhile progress. I am afraid of making a mistake and be harshly criticized and put in an awkward situation by people,teachers,friends and parents.
This is a painful situation. Not only opportunities are lost,but it leaves a scar in my feeling that I am always pushed aside and perhaps not worthy of anything.
Hi Sam,
Thanks for sharing your situation. It seems as if you did not do the exercise, however.
Make a clear distinction between the event (I don’t stand up and express my opinion when I have the opportunity) and the meaning you give it (I’ll make a mistake and be criticized). Can you get the event has no inherent meaning? That the meaning is only in your mind?
When you get that the meaning will dissolve, along with the feelings that are caused by the meaning, not the event.
Try it and let me know what happens. It works. I promise. Read all the other posts.
Love, Morty
I have just submitted Assignment #1.
The feeling is negative and painful. The event is the time I encounter such a situation almost every day.
1. I was scared of going over to the neighbourhood next to mine, to get on the bus, because it’s kinda like the ghetto but not exactly, and I feel uneasy and threatened there.
2. The meaning is: “They hate me because they think that I think I’m better than them”
3. The events are: I need ot take the bus and in order to take it I need to go over there and get myself in between them people, and just go. The meaning is that they have a certain perception of me, but I can’t know that.
4. The feeling was gone
5. It was successful.
Hi Alex,
Congratulations. It really does work.
Now you need to start using this process all the time and notice the transformation in your experience of life.
Love, Morty
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps.
I sit down to do some of the things on my to do list : make plans for this New Year, plan my week, clean out my emails. As such, I start cleaning my emails and signing up for some different programs, reading different inspirational emails; that’s how I stumbled on the Occuring program.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having:
Then I notice I have a headache & back ache, which signaled to me that I am feeling anxious. I feel worried, afraid, stressed out & impatient.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling:
I notice I am telling myself “you’re never consistent. Why can’t you keep to a plan? The plan this morning was to plan your year and week so that you’re off to a purpose, intention filled year. Now it’s almost time to go get the family picture s and you have nothing to show for your morning. You’ve been sitting here for the past hour and you’ve managed to sign up for every single program there is. Good way to sabotage your New Year goals. There is definitely no way you’ll achieve your plans this year if you’re already starting at this rate. There is no way you’re going to be consistent if you can’t pick one program . What’s up with signing up for all these teleseminars. You’re not even going to listen to it. Sure, sure, you are signing up for the telesminars to replace your TV watching habit, but who are we kidding? You’ll need to unwind with TV after a stressful day from work. ………
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
The event is that I sat down to plan for the new year and clean out my emails. The truth is that I have cleaned out one email and haven’t gotten to planning for the year 2012. Not planning for 2012 on this one morning is not indicative of how my whole year will go. It does not mean that I won’t be consistent in this new year or that I will not have a purpose and intentioned filled year.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed. I feel slightly better. My backache is gone and my head ache has subsided. I feel empowered
Hi Funmi,
What if you applied this process every time you noticed a negative feeling in your life? What if you noticed that there is a clear distinction between events and how those events occur to you?
Can you get that your life would transform?
Try it and let me know what happens.
Love, Morty
1) I want to make an outside sales call to a new prospect, and I am feeling nervous and un-easy about it.
2)The meaning I attach to this, I don’t want to bother them they are probally busy, I don’t want them to be angry or uptight when I am taking up their time.
3) I have been on many outside sales calls and at 9 out of 10 are happy I talked with them.
I prequalify my prospects so they need what I have to offer and we are a better fit for them compared to who they are using.
4) I feel much better about making the outside sales call now. I feel like it is my duty to get the word out to these prospects so we can start helping them save money and give them better service than they are presently getting.
Hi Curt,
It really does work. Congratulations.
Now all you have to do is use this process all day long the eliminate your negative feelings and to see reality clearly.
Love,Morty
1. My daughter got a D on her last math quiz
2. The D means that she hasn’t learned the material and is going to fail the class, and perhaps jeordize her college admittance and all of that worries me
3. I talked with her and she is not worried about failing the class
4. I feel better that I had talked with her and that I noticed my worry was based on my fear
Hi Lori,
You got that the “D” has no inherent meaning, and that “she will fail” is a meaning that exists only in your mind. When you make that type of distinction clearly, the meaning will always disappear, along with the feelings that are caused by the meaning–not the event.
Keep using this process in your life.
Love,Morty
1. an opportunity is presenting itself that the educated part of me knows it should be taking advantage of, but im feeling fear. The fear of being wrong, making a mistake. The internal dialog with all the what if scenarios, causing even more anxiety.
2.the meaning im giving it is “i cant be wrong, maybe this isnt a good idea,”
3. Maybe the meaning is true, maybe it isnt
4. im not feeling any better. I always do this and this is why i never excelled at my profession. I see an idea that i should be in. The fear which is created by all the internal chatter is multiplied, all the what if’s, that i dont want to be wrong etc… the opportunity works out as i anticipated, but i wasnt involved and now i’m beating myself up even more for allowing my fear to get in the way. HELP!!!! dont know what to do
Hi Orrie,
The fear didn’t go away because you never made a clear distinction. You need to clearly distinguish between the event (an opportunity presents itself) and the meaning you give it (I won’t do it well).
Can you see that the meaning is in your mind, not inherent in the event. When you are able to make that distinction clearly the meaning will dissolve, along with the feelings that are being caused by the meaning, not the event.
Try it again and let me know.
Love, Morty
P.S. Ultimately you should get rid of the beleifs that cause you to keep giving a negative meaning to opportunities. But in the meantime this process will help.
My 4 year old son is so slow at getting things done. My feelings were frustration, impatience. But I see now he is going at his own pace, and getting it done, he is being in the moment, just being himself. I also gave the meaning that he’s wasting my time, I can’t get to important things or things I want to do. Well, I can and do get those other things done. Just maybe a few minutes later. Instead of impatient, when I think about it occuring again I see myself just taking a deep breath and relaxing. We’ll see if it works tonight!
Hi Dan,
It will always work if you make a clear distinction between the event (my child doesn’t move as quickly as I’d like ["slow" is already meaning]) and the meaning is (he’s wasting my time), the meaning will dissolve, along with the feelings (frustration and impatience) that are caused by the meaning, not the event itself.
Did it work when you tried it later?
Love, Morty
1. I have postponed making a phone call for several months.
2. Addressing the situation, and confronting the issue means admitting to myself and to the other party that I have been a failure, and I may incur a significant loss as a result.
2. The event is a simple conversation. An exchange of information and nothing more.
4. I made the phone call today, addressed the necessary issue, and I can now move on to the next phase.
5. Yes, it worked! Once I decided to ignore the chatter, I made the call, and it wasn’t nearly as horrible as I had imagined it!
Thanks for the reminder!
Hi Ken,
Keep using this process to dissolve how events occur to you and watch your negative feelings disappear also.
Love, Morty
in my twenties i was in love with a beautiful girl that would not take the relationship any further because i was not her type.over the years i kept saying to myself why didnt you try to be her type. using your method Morty i realized her type was in her head and nowhere else. Disappointment dissolved .
Hi Mick,
What you did worked for you this time.
Next time make a clear distinction between the event (I didn’t take the relationship further) and the meaning (I wasn’t her type). Can you get that you weren’t her type is the meaning you made up and was not inherent in the events? When you do the meaning will disappear.
Love, Morty
I did something wrong
occurring- I will go to jail I will go to news
feeling-fears
disoccuring-will go to …future, now nothing is happening
it is Ok my fear dissolved
Hi Joao,
I’m glad the fear dissolved.
In the future make a clear distinction between the event (what you actually did) and the meaning you gave it (it was wrong and I will go to jail). Can you get that the meaning was only in your mind and not inherent in the event? Try using that process with other events.
Love, Morty
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I feel very disappointed and emotionally upset at the negative comments a supposed friend said about me.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
Disappointment and emotional upset.
2. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
I now recognize that my friend is where she is at in her experience and it has nothing to do with who I am.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
I forgive the whole ocurrence and release and let go of disappointment and emotional upset feelings.
I am at peace with her and vision better occurrences for her.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
Hi Susan,
I’m happy that you feel better but you didn’t do the process as I described it.
Make a clear distinction between the event (my friend said something about me) and the meaning you gave it (you didn’t state what that meaning was). When you clearly identify each of the two and see they are different, that the meaning is only in your mind and not in the event, it will dissolve, along with the feelings that are caused by the meaning.
Love,Morty
this wasnt recent, but it was what came up, and it surely worked
1) The boy i was most attracted to in class called me names with contempt, and chased me with worms once
2) i felt disgusting, terrified, desperate, shy, uncertain, out of control, and insufficient. and not attractive, like i was worthless as a girl, and not feminine, and would never be loved. also that all men i found attractive would want to destroy me
3) i recognise that whatever he was doing it was more to do with who he was and what he thought
4) i let go of the whole thing, and now think i may be able to have a successful relationship
5) this was very successful
Hi Rachel,
I am so happy that it dissolved for you.
Keep using this process in your life daily and you will experience a total transformation of your experience of life.
Love, Morty
this wasnt recent, but it was what came up, and it surely worked
1) The boy i was most attracted to in class called me names with contempt, and chased me with worms once
2) i felt disgusting, terrified, desperate, shy, uncertain, out of control, and insufficient. and not attractive, like i was worthless as a girl, and not feminine, and would never be loved. also that all men i found attractive would want to destroy me
3) i recognise that whatever he was doing it was more to do with who he was and what he thought
4) i let go of the whole thing, and now think i may be able to have a successful relationship
5) this was very successful, it was important to write it all out
1.Watched my boss reprimand an employee in front of customers and work associates.
2. I seem to go back to my childhood feelings of not being good enough and feel depressed.
3. The incident was blown out of proportion in my mind. He was just trying to make sure worker understood audit rules. 4. once I thought about it I realize I blew up in my mind and by the way my boss apoligized for handling the situation like that.
Hiu Brenda,
It seems like it worked for you; I’m not sure.
You need to make a clear distinction between the event (your boss reprimanded an employee) and the meaning you gave it (I’m not sure what it was from your post). Whatever the meaning was it made you feel not good enough and depressed. But you need to identify the meaning to dissolve it.
Love, Morty
1).I had a negative feeling about an incident with my business partner. 2). I believed/felt he was not valuing my input or my contribution to the organization. 3) what had happened is that we had a conversation, yet he was very vague about things and I gave that vagueness more weight and believed it was all about me. 4). only days later did he relate to me that it was all about his personal side of things and had nothing to do with our relationship or my contribution.
5). I had already cleared the occurring before he opened up to me, yet it was still good that he confirmed what i had believed but I had learned and cleared it already.
Hi Brian,
I’m glad that it cleared up for you. It seems as if you made a distinction between the event (a conversation in which your business partner was vague about something) and the meaning you gave it (he doesn’t value my contribution). That distinction would make the meaning dissolve.
You don’t need validation for the meaning to dissolve.
Love,Morty
1. I feel hopeless when my husband yells at me.
2. I think it means that he is going to leave, and wants a divorce.
3. The event (yelling) doesn’t necessarily mean this at all. He’s usually frustrated over something else, and it blows over within hours.
4. As soon as I realize this, I feel more calm, and realize that it’s just what he does when he’s frustrated. It has nothing to do with me.
5. Yes, this is a great, easy exercise.
Hi CS,
Can you imagine doing this with your husband all the time? Can you see how it would totally transform your relationship with your husband?
Let me know.
Love,Morty
Assingment results: Success! No longer feel uptight at taking the time I need to get done what I want to do
Hi C,
Glad to hear it worked for you.
Now keep using this process daily and notice how you have transformed your experience of life.
Love, Morty
1) I have been working on projects related to the vision I have for my life. There have been many technical challenges on my journey. I love to travel and had been away from home for most of 2011. I’m on standby for a 2012 contract which requires travel. I have been noticing negative feelings & feelings of anxiety lately.
2) I had been starting my day with the anxious feelings of being on standby, and not knowing the exact date of travel or how long I would be gone. I felt like a horse, inside the starting gate, ready to run the race.
3) My day or being on standby is neutral. I was placing these anxious feelings in my day.
4) When I made the distinction between the event and the meaning I gave it, I immediately noticed the change.
I was being ruled by this occurring, rather than seeing the event as neutral.
5) This exercise was successful for me. Thank you.
Hi Charles,
Congratulations.
If you could do it once and get rid of your anxiety, imagine what your life would be like if you did this all the time, every day.
Love, Morty
1. i give a presentation at work about a legal subject. ive prepared it well and have it nicely streamlined. about halfway through everybody starts to talk and discuss a question that comes up and that I don’t know the answer to; my nice presentation kind of dissolves.
2. i feel i have let the whole thing get away from me, that my colleagues will think i’m so disorganized and chaotic i cannot even present facts in such a way that we make it nicely from A to B as planned, and that they will think me a useless lawyer for not knowing the answer.
3. I realize I have chosen a subject that actually piqued people’s interest and allowed them to connect to an important issue in our daily work; as this was more interesting than the theory people started talking about that. Also, the fact that they interrupted my presentation says more about their chaotic nature than mine.
4. I realize that it was a pleasant, animated and useful discussion that started with my presentation and choice of subject. I also realize now, that someone actually thanked me. I do not need to feel bad that I did not know the answer as none of the others, who are by far senior in years and experience, did.
5. I feel the tension dissolving and I actually start to laugh out loud when i remember us all debating heatedly.
6. it is also a learning experience: next time i will make my presentation shorter and start by telling everyone there is room for discussion afterwards!
Hi Bianca,
Great! You just dissolved an occurring.
Keep doing it and notice how your experience of life transforms.
Love, Morty
wow, great tool to erase the negative feelings….I think back to how often that particular event caused so much negative in my mind and now I feel so much lighter and the event is no longer negative
Thank you.
Hi Linda,
If you can do it once, you can do it over and over in the future. You can get rid of all your negative feelings by dissolving the meaning you give meaningless events.
Love, Morty
I love these exercises, they are very helpful with helping confront and resolve negative feelings. I have been struggling with how much help I should give friends. I am now okay with my feelings as I cannot save everyone and I am not meant to.
Hi Pat,
I’m glad you found the process useful in resolving your negative feelings.
You can do it all the time and get rid of negative feeling every day.
Love, Morty
1). I’m a little apprehensive in using this new software tool to build websites.
2). I’m stepping into new territory and as I think about it, I’m setting myself up with a mental block. Self induced of course.
3). This sense of apprehension the more I think about it is ridiculous, the only way to get past this is to practice with this new tool.
4). So with some research required to fill in with this new tool and the fact that so many are already using it and some are successful I might add. It’s just a matter of applying myself and doing it.
5). Success in this case is seeing how well this new site ranks in the search engines, so in time I’ll see where that is.
Hi Jurgen,
Success is not how well the site ranks, but whether or not you have dissolved your feeling of being apprehensive.
And you do that by making a clear distinction between the event (using a new software tool) and the meaning (which you actually never identified). Your meaning probably was something like: I won’t be successful in using it.
When you are clear that the meaning is only in your mind and not inherent in the event, the meaning will dissolve, along with any feelings that were caused by the meaning. The event itself, having no meaning, cannot produce feelings.
Try it again and let me know how it works.
Love,Morty
My boss wanted some information from me.
I immediately thought the missing info. was due to an error I had made .
This made me feel stupid and defensive.
But she just wanted the information and not interested in blame of any type
which was my interpretation of the events.
It seems that i was being silly in my interpritation and do not feel stupid or defensive now.
The lost info. was not due to my error anyway!
Hi Lauren,
The point of the exercise is making a clear distinction between the event (your boss asked for info) and the meaning you gave it (I made an error). Can you get that the meaning was in your mind? That the event has no inherent meaning.
And when the meaning dissolves, the feeling caused by the meaning will dissolve also.
Love, Morty
Event: I did not meet my sales goal for my job last week.
1. I feel fear and guilt.
2. It’s been a tough year and I had a difficult time finding another job. I am afraid if I cannot make this one work that I will be out of work again and won’t be able to support the family and pay the bills. I feel guilty that I am not working harder and more hours, but I am just too tired. I feel like I am getting older and unwanted.
3. Just because I did not make my sales goal last week does not mean that I won’t have better weeks or that I won’t have a good month. It does not mean that I have to get a different job or even that I have to work harder. It could mean that the people I asked chose not to buy during the two weeks after Christmas and that they actually may buy at a different time. It could mean that I asked the wrong people or that I didn’t ask enough people.
4. I feel less stressed and more relaxed and less hard on myself. I’m not punishing myself or feeling that I need to work, work, work and push myself to exhaustion. I believe I’ll have a better week and that things will improve.
Hi Cindy,
Can you get that the meaning you gave the event is only in your mind and that the event has no inherent meaning? There are many possible meanings, and none of them are THE TRUTH.
Don’t stop now. Keep using this process and notice how your experience of life transforms.
Love, Morty
1. I emailed an event organizer requesting slides from a presentation which they said they’d send out when I send them an email. I sent the request four days ago, but have not received a response. Now I am having a negative feeling of rejection.
2. The person probably doesn’t want to contact me because they think there is nothing they can gain from me.
3. The event was this: A person organized a presentation. I had mentioned that I had recently made a career change when we met and introduced ourselves to each other. I thought the presentation had very insightful nuggets of information so I wanted to get a copy of the slides for reference. At the end of the presentation, someone mentioned that if anyone wanted the slides to email the organizer. I emailed the organizer asking for the slides. The reality is that they simply haven’t responded and the event isn’t about me, nor could there be anything inherent about me in the event.
4. I feel a sense of detachment from the event. If there wasn’t anything inherent about me in the event then ultimately there is nothing of me that could have been rejected and so I feel that the idea of rejection is no longer real.
Hi W,
When you get that the meaning you thought was inherent in the event is only in your mind and that the event has no inherent meaning, the meaning you made up will dissolve, along with any feelings that were caused by the meaning.
Keep doing this and notice the shift in your experience of life.
Love, Morty
1. Dread, nervousness, and hypervigilance at the sound of people in my hallway, coming and going.
2. My neighbours and landlords are conspiring to get rid of me because I complained about cigarette smoke in the hall and other problems with the building.
3. The meaning I’ve given is that the neighbours and landlords are conspiring against me. The actual events are people coming and going, saying words to each other, greeting each other.
4. The sense of dread and nervousness seems silly. If the neighbours and landlords want to get rid of me, they’ll have to let me know more directly and in the meantime, I have a right to be here and enjoy my home.
Hi Lishui,
I’m not sure if you dissolved the meaning or if you are just uttering affirmations to talk yourself out of what you feel.
The way to make sure the meaning dissolves is to make a clear distinction between the event (people in the hall are talking and I complained recently) and the meaning you gave it (people are conspiring against me). When you do that the meaning literally dissolves, along with any feelings that had been caused by the meaning.
Love, Morty
thanks, Morty!
1. My husband reacted to my decision to get a massage negatively. By saying why do u need it, I thought u not going to get massages anymore.
2. I got upset since I told him how much it relaxed me and distresses my day.it felt like he does not care fir me and does not listen.
3. It could be thought, that he himself does not enjoy massage, so he assumes same for me, or may be in his family mother did not take time to take care of herself or may be he just want to spend all the time with me, cause he loves me so much.
4. Once I realized that, I gave him a kiss, thanked him for watching our baby while I am gone and told him how much I love him.
Hi Olga,
Congratulations. You did it.
Now that you see how this process can improve your relationship with your husband, keep using it daily. You will be amazed how it will transform your marriage.
Love, Morty
1. I feel unloved and depressed
2. When I have no messages on my phone, it is because nobody loves me
2. The event = no message. The meaning = No love
4. I do feel better. I always knew my rationale was ridiculous..
5. I would say 50% successful as i still have a nagging anxiety when I see no messages on my phone
Hi Holly,
It sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out the feeling instead of making really clear that there is a distinction between the event (no messages on my phone) and the meaning you have given it (no one loves me).
Can you get that the event has no inherent meaning?
When you do the meaning will dissolve, along with the feelings that are caused by the meaning.
Love, Morty
Assignment 1 Directions
Below are the steps for Assignment 1.
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps. presentation
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having. nervous
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling. screwd up
2. Distinguish between the meaning and the events. i am just standing in front of the class and talking
4. Notice how the feeling has changed. good
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
Hi Jaysen,
You can dissolve the negative feelings every time by making a clear distinction between the event and the meaning you have given it. When the meaning dissolves, the feelings caused by the meaning dissolve also.
The event has no inherent meaning so it cannot cause feelings.
Love, Morty
1. Dread, nervousness,scared, blocked , notsure…..
2. a year ago, my employer where I worked only one month, gave an action against me that I have withheld their money, and now this thing in court waiting for judge.And this thing IS NOT TRUE (in that time this job,was undeclared work like )
3. The meaning I’ve given is that those who procede this, want to got more mony from that action what they procede.The actual events are that I was shame and presented to the court action.
4. My feeling not changed yet.
Hi Mia,
The reason the feeling did not dissolve is that you didn’t make a clear distinction between the event (a former employer is suing you) and the meaning you gave it (which you did not state). You have to identify the meaning and distinguish it from the event for the meaning to dissolve.
And because the feeling comes from the meaning, not the event (which has no inherent meaning), dissolving the meaning will dissolve the feeling too.
Try it again and figure out what meaning you are giving the event.
Love, Morty
Hello, ok again I will try.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
Dread, nervousness,scared, blocked , ansecure, embarrassed
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
What hapend wasnt true(that meaning I have and that produce the oll feelings.)
2. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
The meaning (is that this wasnt true), but the event was that they want to blame me for steeling the mony, with falsh report what they write and sand to the court, and copy all bild for wich they alredy got mony.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed
Nothing change.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
- The people in this meeting think I am not as smart as they are. They resent having to ask me for help because they already have a better answer.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
-I assigned that meaning to the tone of the conversation because the people were upset that they werent asked to give input for some software features they wanted. They were asking me to raise concerns – I felt blamed.
2. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
They wanted help, and they were just asking me because of my position. They werent blaming me, they all know the software is developed in a different division. they asked me to influence on their behalf.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
-Once I consciously thought about it mid way through the conversation I was able to relax and be more authentic with them and reach a good solution.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
Once I realized I was having a feeling that was becoming a fact I mentally did the exercise during the meeting and was able to separate their concerns from the help they were asking me for – they approached me for help, not because they “have to” or because they think I am less smart than they are. The exercise definitely worked for me
Hi Kayl2,
It will work every time. How many times have you gotten upset at work because of the meaning you gave an event, not the event itself?
Keep using this process and notice how you transform your experience of life.
Love, Morty
I used the process on a issue of working on growing my business. At the end I felt much less anxiety about doing it and felt much more at ease : ) Thanks Morty
Hi Mark,
I’m happy to hear you feel less anxious.
And, when you make a clear distinction between an event and the meaning you give it, the meaning will dissolve totally, along with any feelings that had been caused by the meaning.
So if you still have some anxiety, I suspect you didn’t make the distinction clear enough and you still think your meaning is true to some extent.
Love, Morty
I thought of a situation at work where my boss acts very Type A at times with me. I thought she just didn’t like me or wanted to fire me. Then when I did this occurrence process I separated the meaning from the event and I pictured her being loud and demanding and I thought, well maybe that’s just how she communicates or that’s how she was trained as a child or boss. Now it doesn’t bother me, I can actually laugh at the situation. LOL, thx Morty
Hi George,
Congratulations. You dissolved an occurring.
Can you see how you would transform your experience of work if you used this process every day?
Love,Morty
I am learning something new. It can feel stressful, but when I noticed thoughts such as “I can’t do this,” and ‘I’ll never do this” they vanish and I feel much calmer and more peaceful.
Hi Richard,
If what you did helped, that’s great.
But to dissolve the meaning and feelings totally and consistently, you need to make a clear distinction between the event (learning something new) and the meaning you gave it (I can’t do this).
Can you get that the event has no inherent meaning and that the meaning was only in your mind?
Love, Morty
The most recent event is something common for me that has stalled my learning for most of my life. I am attempting to learn Spanish again. I start out good and eventually run in to a few words or phrases that I find difficult to remember. This begins to slightly annoy me to the point of stopping. This can apply to other self-improvement efforts as well.
1. The negative feeling is I’m not capable of doing this
2. The meaning is why waste your time, you always fail to follow through
3. I’m not capable of learning Spanish and the feeling of why waste my time attempting to learn something when I know I won’t follow through. I have given myself an “out”. Learning has never been enjoyable for me. By quitting, the negative feelings are gone and I don’t feel like I need to do this anyway.
4. The negative feeling went away temporarily after I quit. This is a poor behavior that kills my learning process. It will return again once I attempt to learn something else and this cycle repeats over again.
5. I was not successful in doing this exercise. I have a behavior that short circuits my learning process for almost any reason.
1. I need to introduce myself or present something in front of other people. I know I have interesting opinions and information that may help others but somewhow I don’t feel comfortable in speaking in front of others. I have nervous, anxious, unconfortable feeling before starting and sometimes even in the middle of the presetation.
2. I think I cannot make it sound as professional as it should, when people are watching, I fear my voice does not sound confident or I freeze or I forget what to say. Then the whole situation that is in my response goes in totally wrong direction and its all because I could not handle the situation.
3. I am just telling what I can tell, I don’t need to make any contest of that. How it sounds has nothing to do with how professional I am.
4. Hopefully next time I can relax and enjoy and talk just like how I feel and what is best at that moment and for the people I am talking.
← Previous Comments
Next Comments →