Assignment 1
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Assignment 1 Directions
Below are the steps for Assignment 1.
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
If you think this video is useful, please tell your friends.
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What actually happened was that I left the kettle on for my son to make his tea, reminded him and went out. When I came back I saw the kettle blackened and horrible. I felt furious. What disrespect! How callous! He won’t restore thus he doesn’t care. I felt so cross that I was equally furiously looking for beliefs that had set this off. Found one – I’m not respected.
The process of getting alternative explanations just had a magical calm-down effect.
Jackie
My event is something what happens quite often to me but I started to recognize it intensively just recently. It is really bothering me. I really try hard to become a open-hearted person, see in everyone the good, smile, help, give etc. But I meet people who are acting strange after they met me once and thats hurting me because I know they are my mirrors, people who belong in scenes which I created, my illusions. So when I distinguish between the meaning and the events I know I can’t force anything you can’t force love or beeing good. What tells me that I have to work on my conscience scale perhaps my whole life long.
But you know what there will be a time wherewe will understand and all our efforts trying to change, beeing aware of our awakening will show us the seed, the big picture. Love and the wisdom of knowing will make me walk my lifelong without loosing the HOPE.
In Love,
Sibel
It’s great.
1: I feel faith but scared, that it runs away.
2: Hope something happens suddenly out of nowhere.
3: Actually, I feel tyred, must go to sleep, but anxious watching this video.
4: I will take the decition to sleep, after the video finishes.
1. i felt bad and wanted to cry when my oldest child did not want to talk to me and closed the door in my face.
2. the meaning i put on this situation was that i had done something wrong and he was annoyed with me
3. the event was that he did not want to talk to me and closed himself in his room – the feeling i had was bad, sad.
4. the feeling changed completely and i could decide to let it all go until i could speak to him again and find out truly what he was feeling and doing when he didn’t want to talk. i did get the chance later in the day to ask him, “i was just curious about what you were thinking and feeling when you didn’t want to talk?” He told me, “i am so busy at work i just need some down time when i get home. i really don’t want to be around anyone after i’ve worked around so many needy people for 8 hours.”
5. my results were awesome!! my negative feelings completely dissolved when i looked at it as just an event with no meaning. waiting to find out what the true meaning of the event really was showed me that he simply needed to kick back and unwind from work – he still loves me very much but just needed time alone from a busy day. this is a great process for me! Thank you very much Morty!!
A few weeks back I was looking to explore options to set up an online business and learn more about this.
1. I was frustrated, confused and was alittle fearful
2. The meaning which was creating these feelings were that I have not been successful at this before and I am not capable of doing this and it is too complicated for me and I would not have time for this and so on.
3. The event was simple. I was looking to learn and explore options for setting up an online business. The meanings I was giving it as above were that this would not work and I am a failure at things and so on. I was clearly able to distinguish between these two.
4. The feeling I had now was one of strength and wanting to do things. I was excited about learning and creating something.
There are people at work that like to “push” my buttons, by saying things or just facial expressions and body language. I felt isolated and even angry. The meaning was that I am not like by these co-workers. Now by doing the Occurrence process I seperate what I “see” and the meaning I gave. I could very well be that they don’t like me but it doesn’t mean everyone won’t like me or that I just am so much a people pleaser that I expect a different response from them, I can only control my meaning so the feelings changed. This really works. Amazing
1. Just recently about a few years ago, I began to get into internet entrepreneurship and Real Estate Investment. I lost my job after 9 years.
2. I had the feeling that I would be lost and wouldn’t know what to do. I felt that I wouldn’t be able to provide for my family.
3. The meaning of the events to me was; where would I get ideas and how could I compete? How good could I be?
4. The feeling has changed now, because all the great people that I have been exposed to while never meeting them. This has given me a new perspective, but the feeling keeps coming back through events that are not satisfying to where I want to be and who I want to become.
5. I see results in events that present themselves, but I would like to always be clear and notice them on an instant.
1. Last night at dinner, my son asked about an aspect of the meal I had prepared and was hesitant to eat – it angered and upset me.
2. I assigned it this meaning: my son doesn’t appreciate what I do for him and will find something to complain about everything. I took it personally.
3. The actual event was this: all he did was ask me why one particular aspect of the meal was a certain way.
4. Here’s how the feeling has changed: no more anger or hurt. My son asked me a question, and there was nothing in that question to state he was complaining except the meaning I gave that question. All I had to do was to answer it calmly and smile.
I was in a course with the teacher and 2 other students. I was feeling sad, bad, something was wrong.
When I got home, I was able to identify that I was feeling inadequate. Not good enough.
The next day, I told my teacher that it was her fault (in a joking way), she was TOO POSITIVE and the other students were TOO GOOD at what they were doing. I was able to see that I had been comparing myself to them. I wasn’t positive enough and I wasn’t able to perform as well as the other students, yet.
I had questioned those thoughts and I saw that those came from my mother telling me “I should be more like everybody else”.
The feelings dissolved when i noticed I was just recreating ” I should be more like everybody else “
I have been wanting to write a book and have a home business for so long like others did not think I would be good enough no one will want to read my book its a silly idea the home business no one will be interested I have no skills so I put the negative thoughts out and have been teaching myself and getting help from friends and family learning more computer skills I am on my way to both Home Business and a Book. The computer is amazing.
It definitely works. I would like it to be automatic
My friend left me a message.”Call Me right away.”
I gave meaning that his tone of voice showed he was upset at me or had some really bad news to give me.
I immediately had a pit in the middle of my stomach. As soon as I recognized what experience I had created for myself, I immediately separated the event from the meaning I gave, and the feeling of dread subsided. I was then able to feel more a sense of neutrality about the phone call.
In a retirement conversation my wife and I just had, she stated that she felt lonely.
1—–I began to feel frustration, impatience, fear and anger.
2—–The meaning I was giving to her statement was: All I’ve done to make her happy isn’t enough. What else can I do? Will she leave me? I don’t experience loneliness, how can she possibly be lonely. Maybe it is because I havn’t made enough money for the retirement she wants. Does this mean we will have to move to the city? If she feels lonely now will she still be lonely somewhere else. Am I turning into an old “goat” that is not enough for her? Is our close friendship dieing. I don’t know what to do.
3—–I now see a difference between her statement and the meaning I was giving her statement.
4—–My feelings of frustration, impatience, fear and anger dramatically decresed.
5—–I did NOT “shut down” as sometimes happens and I feel open and positive to understanding and exploring her needs.
P.S. I am very interested in a scholarship and learning more. Your materials are really helping me.
Although I have 3 friends for various reasons they are umable to spend time with me and there are lots of times when I am on my own when I want to be out meeting people. So tonight I am going out to a social gathering on my own. Which brings up a negative feeling of: I’m shy, no-one will talk to me, it will be another let down, I am not a good enough person. Whereas it is just an event. I can go. At least I will have tried. It might be much better than I expect. How will I know unless I go. If it is awful I will deal with it but it won’t be my fault. At the very least I will think well of myself for trying.
Recent event that produced negative feelings: I heard a married couple who are in my inner circle arguing.
1. The negative feelings I had: fear, anxiety, a tendency to blame.
2. The meaning that produced the feeling: There is disharmony in the relationship that will lead to a break down or a break up.
3. The reality was I heard two people arguing and being short with each other. The meaning I gave the event caused my negative feelings.
4. After making the distinction I feel that I overreacted to a situation that has no inherent meaning and that I have no control over.
5. I think the exercise was successful in dissolving the negative feelings. I am eager to learn all the techniques in the course. Please award the scholarship to me.
A friend repeatedly told me she believes we no longer need to “process” in life the way we used to think we have to. I felt excited to talk about my recent experiences about wanted to investigate my belief more and also fels sad that I hesistated in communicating this because I think she will disapprove and it will cause friction between us. Because of my assumptions I did not give myself a chance to communicate, nor did I give her a chance. My feelings of sadness are greater now because more “occurring thoughts are arising.” OK. Let go and be here with my fingers on the keyboard. The rest is simply mind chatter.
The Event – My Girlfriend got really angry at me while we were both making dinner when I kept asking her how she would like me to do things after she had told me at least 5 times before that I could do them how ever I wanted.
1. I felt anxious, tight around the heart area and angry.
2. The meanings that produced the feelings were I’m stupid for not listening and just doing my own way, I can’t retain information that is told to me, I’m can’t think for myself, I’m not appreciated for the help that I do give and finally nothing I do is ever right!
3. It was just her getting mad over me asking her what to do (for the 5th time) and not living up to way she expected me to help out making dinner.
4. I feel more clarity over situation now. Although It seems like ‘I don’t listen’ to what she has told me, I know that this is not true in other areas of my life. I’m not stupid and I can take in information easily! So this is really just a one off scenario where these things happened. It doesn’t mean I’m always like that. Also I somehow feel better saying to myself ‘I’m only human!’ and I’m always interested in the truth rather than being right and stuck in any situation.
5. I feel like this has definitely helped me in feeling detached from the event which is great! I’m not 100% sure I followed the correct procedure but I feel a lot better now!
THANKS!!
Gill
After watching your video I took some time looking at my feelings over something that is to occur today. I realized, after using your technique, that it is my fear of what might occur and creating outcomes for something that hasn’t even occurred yet, I was just drowning myself in stress and fear. After really looking at the situation to come, after using your method, I see it quiet differently now. I know it is coming and I know what it is, now I am no longer placing created fears and worries on top of it and hope to experience it as it is.
Unfortunately, for me the process does not work. But I assume the event that caused my negative feelings is quite specific. The result of that situation/event is a ” tangible fact” and I struggle to find a different, more comforting meaning than the “factual” one.
1. I was talking with my mother on the phone and at certain point I started to feel scared and anxious.
2. I noticed that at that moment I was having these thoughts ‘she’s doing it again’, ‘she does not want to help me’, ‘she’s so selfish, can’t she see how difficult this is already?’, ‘why is she doing this to me?’, ‘she hates me’.
3. It is true that the topic I was addressing with my mother on the phone can be a difficult one to approach and is better handled in person, the only thing that was clear is that she was concerned about it and was trying to express how she saw it which not necessarily is true, but that she hates me or she was being mean to me was just the meaning I made up, it was only in my mind.
4. Just as I am doing this I’m amazed at how the feeling dissolves, right before me! I can imagine talking to my mother and not feeling anxious about it. Maybe even not worrying about her opinion any more. Thank you.
Hi Bernice,
Yes, it does work. And can you imagine doing this all the time and living like this all the time.
Love, Morty
1. I received an email from another manager suggesting that what I had done was breaking the law.
2. My feeling was that I was under attack, even though the allegation was false. I felt as if this was part of something much bigger,
3. The email was terse, badly written and erroneous. I have evidence that the accusation is wrong.
4. I’ve managed to separate the facts from the emotion. Thank you.
Hi Randy,
It is important to not only separate the events from the feeling, but also to identify and distinguish the meaning you are giving the event. That’s the most important part.
Love, Morty
1) Whenever I go out for a walk on my own, I feel highly anxious.
2) I automatically give the event the meaning that random people also out walking who see me will be paying attention to me and will think I’m strange or odd in a negative way. It feels as if their judgement of me really matters to the degree where I sometimes see the people as a threat, even though I consciously know otherwise.
3) The reality is that I will probably see others out on my travels and that most of them do acknowledge me (in a friendly manner). The thought that they are judging me negatively or even paying significant attention to what I’m doing is just a meaning I’ve given this reality in my head. In reality, they are more likely to be thinking of more important things in their life to give me a second thought; and even on and off-chance that they were judging me, what difference would it make? It would be a negative reflection upon them, not me.
4) Just by getting my thoughts down in writing and questioning them on a rational level, I feel a bit more relaxed about the situation. I’ve always seemed to have a problem of over-thinking things which aren’t really important and attaching negative meanings to reality…it’s become a habit over time. I think by practising this technique and remembering to use it in stressful situations, I’ll eventually be able to break this habit and replace negativity with more positive beliefs and feelings.
I’ve been reading Morty’s letters and watching his videos for a few weeks now, and would like to take this opportunity to thank him; your work is highly inspirational and helpful.
With love
Hi Charlie,
It’s not just a question of “over-thinking.” The issue is giving meaning to events that don’t have any inherent meaning, and thinking your “occurring” is reality.
Continue to make a clear distinction between the events and how the events occur for you, and the occurring will dissolve, along with any feelings the meaning has caused.
I’m glad you are finding our material useful.
Love, Morty
After the exercise I felt joyfull, completely liberated from the frustration I felt before I worked on the event. Using the Occuring process, brought me to find out some of the beliefs I had concerning this event and the meaning I was giving to it. Not only did I liberate myself from this feeling I am now very happy I have worked on it because I feel so much ligther and happy because I can now list a number of reasons why this event is positive and that everything is always perfect. Of course I needed to go through the process to realise this. Thank you for the great opportunity you gave me this morning. This process is easy and avalalble to everyone. I will use it again .
Hi Monique,
Yes, keep using it. All the time. And if you do your experience of life will shift.
There is no reason to ever have to live with negative feelings.
Love,Morty
Talk about serendipity, I have an ongoing issue of impatience with my two sons, particularly the youngest who is 6. Not two hours ago I totally lost it with him. He wakes up in the morning and sometimes just lounges around, eats then he’s in the tub having a bubble bath for 20 minutes on a school morning. No amount of ‘hurry up, let’s go’ makes much of an impact, he’s just easy, happy, enjoying his life.
Of course I am getting more anxious by the minute and by the time I jump in the car and he’s still lagging behind I start screaming. I feel so angry and nervous that we’ll be late and totally frustrated telling him the same thing over and over again.
The meaning I am giving the events that is producing the feeling is that I am thinking his behavior means he will always be this way, that I’ll have to constantly checked on him so he gets ready for the next 12 years and more worrying that this means he’ll grow up to be unreliable.
After using this process I can clearly distinguish the event from the meaning I am giving it. Maybe all it means is that he’s a really happy child and he loves mornings and a warm bath feels really good at that time and he IS only 6 and lives totally in the moment as he should and that this is probably a really good sign that he is a healthy boy and will grow into a wonderful person.
I now have a smile on my face and feel peace and love towards my son. Which is a miracle as 30 minutes ago I sat in this very chair and cried in my office as I prayed for God to heal this impatience and take away all the unhealthy beliefs and mental images (particularly the one of me punching my son in the face – which is how I feel when I’m in that state).
So, Morty, you are a prayer answered, a miracle, this totally worked for me on a longstanding and severe issue. With love and gratitude.
Liz
Hi Liz,
The Lefkoe Occurring Process can totally shift your experience with your son. Keep using this every day. You will be a much happier parent.
Love,Morty
I turned down a job offer because I thought the pay wasn’t good and decided to invest on my own business.
In the beggining it felt great but I started to coubt I could do it.
This interpretation made me feel sad and procrastinate.
So I gave the meaning that I can’t do it, I’ll fail .This meaning made me experience these bad feelings.
The freality is : I turned down a job offer and decided to invest on my own business.
Now that i distinguish between meaning and events I feel better, not sad , less anxious and feel like wprking on it again.
Thamks !
Hi Rafael,
Great use of the Lefkoe Occurring Process. Congratulations.
Love,Morty
1.My husband got mad at me because he misunderstood what I had said and I felt anxious.
2. The meaning that I had given to what had happened was that I had done something wrong again.
3. My husband was upset because he misunderstood what I had told him but I hadn’t done anything wrong, and I knew that.
4. My anxiety went almost away but sad feeling came to the surface and after 10 minutes I’m still feeling it. Sorry for being again one of the difficult ones, Morty!!
Hi Carolina,
Feelings almost always are the result of your occurring.
So if you dissolved the first occurring and the anxiety went away, and you now feel sad, then there is another occurring that is causing the sadness.
As long as you identify and dissolve the occurring causing the feeling, the feeling will always also dissolve.
That you are “one of the difficult ones” is an occurring, not reality.
Love,Morty
I was helping my son with his daily reading assignment and he was struggling with many simple words plus he displayed a lack of fluency. Right away I began to feel anxious with feelings that he will never be good student and may even get held back a school year. I took a deep breath and let the feeling go. I realize that this one event of reading problems didn’t foretell his future academic career; that was just the meaning I gave the event! It turns out he was just tired from a long day at school and needed some exercise in the backyard playing fetch with our dog.
Hi Edgard,
Can you see how using this process can totally transform your relationship with your son? And can help you rid yourself of negative feelings all day long?
Love,Morty
I work as part of a two person team. One of my work partners is fequently late. I find myself feeling angry, and stressed before we even get started, and I hate this! So the meaning I think I’m putting on this event is that “I’m being treated unfairly! I shouldn’t have to put up with this! The company doesn’t care about me! I’m getting screwed!” When I start separating, or distinguishing, between his being late, and my thought that it’s unfair to me, I can see that his lateness has nothing to do with me, and the fact that the company doesn’t do anything about him, also has nothing to do with me. They’re separate things. I feel some freedom to not take it personally. I can just get it clearly that he’s late and I don’t need to feel anything about that. So I do feel some lessening of the anger.
Hi Lon,
The anger and any other emotions are primarily the result of the meaning you are giving events. When you make a clear distinction between your occurring and the event, the occurring dissolves, as does the feeling it caused. If you still feel anger, you have not yet made a clear distinction between the event and the meaning you gave it.
Try again and see if the anger does away completely.
Love,Morty
Your page with the written steps flashes by. It can’t even be read. Can you please send me the URL so I can get it. Thanks.
Rochelle
Hi Rochelle,
Just go to the top of this page.
Love, Morty
I was upset when my co-worker yelled at me last Friday. She has done this to me several times prior and to other colleagues. She’s like a time bomb that goes off at any time. I reported her to my boss who gave her a warning. I dreaded all weekend knowing I had to see and deal with her. Your occuring method came timely. After I followed the steps, I felt no anxiety about seeing her again. When I did see her, my heart did not beat faster and I was calm. I did not feel anything out of the ordinary. I realized she was only giving me information albeit in a less than desirable manner and I felt ‘separate’ and ‘removed’ from her as if I was watching a movie in which she was having her ‘reality’. I am curious as to what would happen if she yells at me again, whether this method would sustain me in keeping calm and not be bothered by her inappropriate manner. Thank you for an easy and incredibly fast method to resolve a difficult situation.
Hi G,
You might get upset the next time if you give her yelling a meaning, but you can use the process to again dissolve your occurring, along with any feelings caused by your occurring.
Love,Morty
I had been struggling with a belief that when people don’t talk to me or engage with me that they don’t like me. This has caused a lot of distress in my marriage (I didn’t feel loved) and all other personal relationships ( I didn’t think people liked me). So I chose this situation to work on. I went through the exercise two days ago. Last night on the way home from picking up my son from school he was not talking and a bit short with all my questions. I found myself in tears later that night. When I talked to him he was surprised and said that he was just recovering from his day and had no idea I felt that way. A little more relief and support that my thoughts are not my reality. This morning my husband ignored me before we left for school. I was able to see that he is in a fog in the morning and did not let it upset me. So, this exercise was able to open my eyes but it is taking several occurrences of me walking it out to get the feelings and thoughts to line up with the new belief.
Hi Jennifer,
This process has nothing to do with eliminating beliefs. Beliefs are the major source of the meaning we give events, but it is that meaning that is the primary cause of our emotions. When we make a clear distinction between reality and the way reality occurs to us, the occurring dissolves, along with any feelings the occurring had caused.
And the feelings will dissolve as soon as the occurring is dissolved.
Love, Morty
testing the system a few times…. ok
Testing.
A friend has not returned my phone call. I started thinking that she is mad at me or has some reason that she does not want to speak with me. Then I remembered this method and I realized that all that occurred was her not returning my call. There could be many reasons for not calling me back yet, all of them could have nothing to do with me. Even though I still am not happy about it, I am not upset or emotional about it anymore.
Rochelle,
Thanks for sharing your experience with the Lefkoe Occurring Process. Glad to hear about the positive result.
Love,Morty
this is another test of the system, all readers can ignore
Big thanks. Your VDO works very well. It reminds me on all negative feeling in myself. Right now, I focus more on giving the good meaning of every situation causing me feel bad in the past. Besides this,I keep it in mind because it helps me to be happy and stay way from negative feeling easily.
Hi Nassara,
Glad to hear our process helps you to be happy and stay away from negative feelings.
Love,Morty
Hello Morty,
Life is occurring as opportunities more and more!!!
1. Notice any negative emotion: I got an invitation to a Bridal shower requiring me to travel. -Thoughts- Oh brother! What will I wear…I gained so much weight….Negative reaction…. in my mind.
1. What I did…. when I noticed what I did I laughed and decided to go. It’s like don’t come to my house to see my house; come to see me.
I’m going to the shower!!!
Hi Darlene,
Good for you. Enjoy the shower.
Love, Morty
Thank you for sharing this powerful technic which will help to distinguish between what actually had happened and how it occurs to me. Have a great day!
Thank you for sharing this powerful technic which will help to distinguish between what happened and how it occurs to me. Best wishes,Sheila
Hi Sheila,
Have you tried it yet? Try it and share your experience.
Love,Morty
I’m doing a presentation next week at work and I’m feeling unsupported because I asked for feedback and not getting it till the last minute. Getting stressed about performance.
I put meaning on this event that they don’t care, I feel taken advantage of my enthusiasm to offer doing the presentation.
Actual event – When I voice my concerns, my boss is very supportive of me and has her own agenda that’s so full and does the editing right then and offers to work on it again with me the morning of. I feel so much calmer taking the courage to clarify.
My boss has bought a new company and I was nervous because of that. when I understand that it can be looked as an oppurtunity my mood has changed.
Often when I work on building my business I come home and my wife and children are gone. My wife tells me that if I want to see them I need to be at home. I intrepret this as my kids and I lose valuable time together and eventually they will drift from me.
The reality is my wife does not like me working on my business and so often she leaves and takes the kids with her. The meaning I’ve been assigning to it is that she is punishing me; my kids will come to love me less.
I will often call my friend to talk and be told they are busy and will call me back, however they usually don’t call me back right away or even within the day. I get annoyed because I think its because they do not value me as much as I do them. The event is they do not call me back in the time frame I think they should call back. And they have also said they have a very busy life so they are doing other things and call when they have a minute. Some of my resentment has faded and I am now thinking they do call me back eventually and if I want someone to pay more attentoin to me I should interact with someone who has the time and the inclination to treat me the way I want to be treated.
1.woman I don’t know speaks to me.
2. feel slight anxiety.
3. thought – People don’t like me. Then I realise there there is a much deeper belief that I have to pretend I am alright and don’t need anything from my mother to be loved.
4. Definite shift in the feeling. Much more peace and silence inside.
I read a report in which the writer claimed that some research was hers and I felt aggrieved because the research was mine. At first I felt annoyed and a little angry but then I followed through the steps you had given. I now feel that it is possible that the writer mistakenly gave the wrong impression, as my name is published on the research so that no one will be under a false impression. Also I know that I did that research. My negative feelings about the incident soon dispersed and I realised that no ‘harm’ had been done to me.
I feel the exercise was successful! Felt a shift!
Similar to Janine below, different location. I went to supermarket. Asked staff to show me where paper bags are. He took me to an aisle, said up there, I walked up and down and no paperbags. I was fuming – disrespectful, should have taken me to the exact spot, I’ll never shop here again etc etc.
when I split between he took me where he thought they were and disrespect etc all upset vanished!!! I was amazed and shocked that all the yatta yatta disappeared. many thanks
I just realised that my fear about the imminent project of setting up a new company with an associate
is just a feeling, not reality. In fact, I distinguish now between feeling inadequate,
and confidence to take this risk. I no longer fear that my potential future associate will get in my way because
she might have no desire to collaborate with me.
Thks a lot.
Hi!
I first tried it and thought its not working on a particular issue which is that i was upset with a friend who i felt took me for granted. I persisted and realised that i had identified the wrong part of the issue. the real problem was that i was upset with myself for letting her do that, by being a pushover of sorts. I was upset that even though she neglected me often times, i was always too eager to respond. That was the occuring. And it took me a while to see that the whole thing was an occuring.
The reality was that my friend did what she did, and i did what i did. It doesnt really mean anything! That dissolved a knot in my body, that has been there for a while. But it didnt mean that i was prompted to again respond in the same way. It just relaxed. That was great. This was causing me great pain for a few days now.
However, im wondering, does that mean we will then be susceptible to other people treating us badly and not realizing that? Is this just another occuring? It seems that there are SO many occurings, how do we deal with all of them?
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