Assignment 2
1. For one day set an alarm to remind yourself to look into the present once an hour. And when the alarm goes off look to see what your occurring is. It’s easy to tell if you’ve had an occurring if you feel an unpleasant emotion such as anxiety upset or anger.
2. Ask yourself, what events are causing the upset. Most of the time, most people will not describe the actual events, they will describe how the events are occurring to them. So you will be identifying your “occurring.”
3. Then identify what actually happened. What can you actually “see?” What would anyone else have seen, as distinct from the occurring, which is the meaning you gave to what you can see.
4. Make a clear distinction between the events in reality, the meaning in your mind, and the feeling that is resulting from the meaning. Make real that they are three separate phenomena. Once you’ve done that, the occurring will dissolve, the feeling also will have dissolved, and you will be left with only the actual events and a different emotional response to them.
Record at least three of your occurrings below using the following format:
Reality: What really happened
Occurring: The meaning you gave the events
Feeling: The emotions you experienced
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise.
Do this regardless of whether you feel you dissolved your occurring. I’l be giving feedback to a few of you who need help.
{ 106 comments… read them below or add one }
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Reality: One driver on the road is driving slowly
Occurring: very upset because slow driver, I’m wasting my time on my way to job !!!
Feeling: Frustration
New Feeling: At ease, I don’t need to be upset.. it’s cool!!!
Reality: She just didn’t answer.
Occurring: My girl didn’t answer my last sms! What’s wrong! Is this the end? She will never answer!
Feeling: Frustration, anxiety!
New Feeling: Positive. Something shifted inside. I can see more clearly now!
Reality: He is old, and he doesn’t understand what we are doing.
Occurring: One of co-workers is stupid, and he doesn’t know his job. He’s slowing me down on my current project with his ignorance.
Feeling: Frustration, Anger!
New Feeling: Relief, Compassion. Very insightful!
Reality: What really happened
Occurrng: The meaning you gave the events
Feeling: The emotions you experienced
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise.
R.: I’m giving a therapy to my cliant and he can’t undorstud my approuch, gets bored and irritated.
O.: Frustration, I’m just wasting my time , recacted. How am I wrong?
F.: frustration, disappointment, guilt, shame.
NF.: Understanding, acceptance.
Reality: Collegue will not come to work on the week-end for mysterious resons
Occurring: She doesn’t care about her job. Perhaps I should replace her.
Feeling: Anger, Guilt
New Feeling: Detached. A little frustration but no anger.
Reality: Son saying rude things to his sister
Occurring: How can he be so nasty. I am bringing him back from his friends house and he still manages to be rude.
Feeling: Anger, grief
New Feeling: Amused ( he’s allways like that when he is hungry!)
Reality: Ran 7.5 km at peed under what I thought I could.
Ocurring: What’s a matter with me. Why am I so slow.
Feeling: frustration, disaproval to myself
New Feeling: Calm. I can train more and do better at a other time.
Reality: My mother told me what someone was saying about me and she went on telling me that over and over again.
Occurring: I thought that gosh I really do not fit in with these people, I’m a bad person, they want to control me, they think I do not have a right to live my life happily doing things I want to do.
Feeling: I felt angry, outraged, rebellious and there was a sense sadness too that nobody loves me the way I am.
New Feeling: Once I did the exercise I felt peaceful,
I just felt that I love me no matter what anybody else thinks of me, and I do not need to seek anybody else’s approval in order to be “okay” and that realization made me feel very very happy!:D
Reality: I spoke out about my political opinions at a works dinner. Although my opinions were strong, I remained in control and good-natured.
Occurrng: At times it would be better to keep my thoughts to myself or to express them more calmly
Feeling: Guilt. Frustration. Alone and misunderstood
New Feeling: Proud
Reality: Sitting in bed working because I don’t have to be anywhere and I can work just as effectively from here.
Occurring: I should get up and get things done, even though I know I’ve been busy lately and cou;d use a rest.
Feeling: Guilty and lazy even though I’m working.
New Feeling: Everything will get done that needs to get done. Just chill.
Reality: Walking to subway station to meet someone and not sure if I really want to go.
Occurring: Why do I get pushed into things? I’m on their agenda and not mine and would have been better sticking to my own.
Feeling: Rushed, unsure, frustrated
New Feeling: I made a choice and it will be nice to see this person, if only for a short time. Mort comfortable and content.
Reality: I’m sitting at my computer day-dreaming.
Occurring: I’m thinking maybe my life coaching business won’t take off.
Feeling: Discouragement
New Feeling: Encouraged, I have a master certification in life coaching and have been studying for 3 years. Also, my business-saavy boyfriend was so impressed by the exercises and help I’ve given him in his business, he has financed my incorporation.
Reality: My daughter said she would take me to lunch last monnth for my birthday but didn’t.
Occuring: She doesn’t want to take me.
Feeling: Hurt, unimportant.
New Feeling: Not feeling hurt anymore, just nothing. I know she loves me and I’m important to her and my grandkids.
Reality: My dad didn’t get me a birthday card or call me on my birthday. He didn’t come over with the kids to see me.
Occuring: My dad would rather be with his girlfriend than with me on my birthday. She is more important than me.
Feeling: Hurt and unimportant.
New Feeling: Nothing really. My dad has a touch of Alzheimer’s and Dimentia. He probably forgot.
Reality: When to see my elder parents (96&95)..Then out of a sudden my sister who lives with them and manipulates them and who has taken the lion share of their Will, started giving complains about me about an incident that happened in our farm that I not even knew about till this moment.
Ocurring: I said here she comes again as the bad child instead of telling me first to solve the situation in peace. I feel sorry for myself to have a kind of sister like this one.
Since I know that she has the habit to put down the rest of us (brothers) to boost her sick self esteem.
Feelings: Anger, resentment.
New Reality: This time I did not fighted with her, because I know the games she plays and was trying to make me get in argument with her.
Reality: My husband asked how many miles I ran on the treadmill and the incline.
Occurring: He is being competitive with me and is judging me.
Feeling: Angry– why can’t I just do my own workout.
New Feeling: Told him what I did and realized he was proud of me and being supportive of the fact that I got up and worked out this morning.
Reality: I was cut off in traffic in the rain.
Occuring: That person does not know how dangerous it is to drive like that in the rain. Something bad could have happened.
Feeling: Annoyed and frightened
New Feeling: Nothing actually happened and everyone on the road is fine.
Reality: I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror at work and realized that I forgot to put on my makeup.
Occuring: I look awful and tired and I should have made time to get myself together. I look unkept and everyone is going to think I look bad.
Feeling: Bad and inadequate
New Feeling: Realized I was beating myself up. Stopped and thought I look pretty good without makeup and nobody is going to notice but me. Feel much better.
Thanks Morty– This exercise is great. I think I have been looking in the mirror and saying bad stuff to myself for a while. This exercise is really helping me to notice how I feel and notice what I am doing.
Reality: The recycle has not been taken out for days – it is stacked against the garage door
Occurring: My partner is being passive-aggressive again!
Feeling: Start of the feeling – here we go again which would lead to anger
New Feeling: Who cares. I don’t need to respond and I could be wrong as to why it hasn’t been taken out.
Reality: I have just moved to another country and haven’t made new friends yet. I have contact with my old friends through e-mail. When I log on I see that my friends haven’t replied my e-mails.
Occuring: My friends don’t have time for me, I’m not important to them. I am clingy and needy and that’s why they are not answering.
Feeling: Sadness, anxiety, anger.
New feelings: Kind of laughing about the assumption that they don’t care just because they haven’t replied my e-mails. Feeling more at ease.
Reality: I am sitting in my room looking at my French books. I realize I haven’t studied as much French as I originally planned I would.
Occuring: I am lazy and can not do what I set out to do. I will never learn French.
Feeling: Anxiety and stress.
New feelings: Calm and peaceful.
Reality: My parents are fighting.
Occuring: This is not gonna go well. Why can’t they ever get along? They have no respect for each other. Men and women can’t get along.
Feeling: Sadness.
New feeling: Calmer.
Reality: My son didn’t fill out his job app by the deadline.
Occurring: He’s lazy, and doesn’t want to work.
Feeling: Anger, fear and sadness
New feeling: calm & trusting that all will work out well
Occurring: I am not good at managing time and am a bad planner
Feeling: Anxiety and frustration
New Feeling: I felt the urgency of the matter and some clarity on how to get the work done completed quickly and effectively, a boost of energy.
Reality: I had to learn a new topic very quickly.
Occurring: I will struggle to learn it and teach it and then things will get worse and it would affect my image.
Feeling: Fear, being Scared
New Feeling: A neutral feeling at first and then a sense of focus to zone in and learn the topic.
Reality: I had to plan for a presentation on selling myself.
Occurring: I thought I would not be able to do it properly and mess it up and it will affect my future opportunities.
Feeling: Anxiety, fear
New Feeling: Determination and excitement to get it done.
Reality: I kicked the cord of a steamer (house cleaning thing) and it fell).
Occurring: I imagine it’s cracked and there will be water on the floor and it will be broken.
Feeling: Stress, worry, negative excitement.
New Feeling: The stress and worry was gone, I saw that in fact it wasn’t broken and realized that I’d jumped into the future seeing the what ifs instead of the reality.
Reality: Got an email telling about some of my cousin’s troubles.
Occurring: Judging them and what they’re were doing and also comparing myself and my own problems to my cousin’s. Seeing his and my problems and focusing on them in a way that brought me down.
Feeling: Depression, anger, blame, resentment.
New Feeling: This one took some time to let go of my feelings, I kind of let myself get stuck in them. When I finally looked at the reality I realized what had happened and how I’d interpreted it and made a big deal out of it and I did finally feel better, let it go and enjoy the rest of my day.
Reality: Woke up with a headache.
Occurring: Worry that my day would be ruined and that I wouldn’t get done what I had to do.
Feeling: Depressed, frustrated and maybe a bit angry.
New Feeling: I just went on with the headache and left the worries behind. Still have the headache but am not allowing it to effect my feelings. Don’t feel a victim by the pain, it just is.
R1: Ordered a video on line and two weeks later had not arrived. Sent polite e-mail to company requesting either refund or assurance that it had been sent. Company accidentally sent me internal email where the person who got my email asked other worker to “soothe the upset female.”
O1: THoughts such as what a bunch of condescending, chauvinistic morons, etc.
F: Anger!
NF: Amusement. Here’s a company that has problems shipping products. Not surprised they act like it’s still 1965 internally. Because I was no longer mad, I was able to send a polite email, addressing their attitude issues and how they still had a problem with product delivery. Result: They apologized profusely and gave me the video for free. I would not have been able to send such a professional email under the circumstances before the occurring.
R2: Driver cuts in front of me then goes below the speed limit.
O2: Calling the other driver idiot, anger that he cut me off
F: anger, impatience
F2: calmed down
R3: Cooking dinner and husband starts to putter around kitchen making a drink in the area I’m working
O3: Getting annoyed that he’s in my space, wondering why he can’t see I’m working there,
F: Impatience, annoyance
F2: Calm. Gave him some veggies to chop and had a pleasant conversation instead of snapping at him.
I’ve been teaching spirituality for 25 years. I had 3 minor programming situations that I have rid myself of thanks to your program. I still need to look at the last 3 conditioning ones.
I must say that since I’ve done the majority of the program, things run SO smoothly. I really didn’t get upset easily and now there seems to be no issues that have come up in the last couple of weeks to challange me. It’s been amazing and as I run an organic farm and there’s always SO much activity here and I also teach people how to function in their daily life and seldom get 2 minutes to myself, it says a LOT. Thank you….I will get the rest of the conditioning exercises done within the next 2 weeks. Thanks, Amandah
Reality: I have a very difficult time to take action in my business.
O : I will never make it, might as well give up.
F: Frustration, fear, worry…
N F: Feeling challenged, the best is yet to come, it will work out!
Reality: I am about to take a flight on the safest form of transport available and will arrive safely in London tomorrow evening. I can allow myself to relax and feel safe and am looking forward to going home.
Occurring : Flying is unsafe. I might be very uncomfortable and not be able to cope or I may die. Things can go wrong. I know that’s irrational and wish I could get over it.
Feeling: Anxious, nervous and scared. Very uncomfortable but somehow I manage to force myself to do it (for many years I didn’t fly at all, but now I fly regularly).
New Feeling: Proud of myself for doing it despite my anxiety. Somewhere deep down I must kow I’m safe or wouldn’t do it.
Reality:Dad had been to religious place and asked everyone at home to vegetarian food for one day.
ad always wants his way.I do not believe in these rituals then why should i listen to him.
Occuring
Feeling:Anger,upset
New Feeling:calm,happy
Second instance:
Reality: There was traffic at a signal and one person was constantly honking from behind
Occuring :has he lost his mind?Can’t he see that we are standing at a
signal?I wish I could give him a piece of mind and so on..
Feeling:Anger,urge to use bad words
New Feeling:May be he is in a hurry,mind is more at peace
Third instance
Reality:It was my Boss’ birthday and we had gifted him a shirt as a team.He did not bother to even open the gift and not even a thank you
Occuring: He is simply putting up his price.From next year we should just wish him and do no celebration for his birthday
Feeling:Anger,grudge
New feeling:Some people are like this-God Bless them,more relaxed now
In this exercise, I was not able to dissolve all of the occurring and the resulting feelings in example number 3 (even though I felt I made a clear distinction between all three components). In setting the alarm every hour, I became very in tune to noticing multiple occurrings and allowing my behaviors and choices to be made from them. As a result, I became hyper vigilant, and became self-critical of the amount of occurrings I had. Although in all 3 examples I receive benefit of being able to lessen the feelings, I did not fully dissolve the all occurrings and feelings in the 3rd example, I utilized other meditation resources to assist with the remaining feelings.
Example number 1
Reality: I recently had a health setback that required time to rest and recuperate. I am also in the midst of starting a new business.
Occurrng: I had the following thoughts, poor me, I will never get anything done if I have to rest; every time I try to start something new this is what happens, I get sick; I don’t like sitting still and resting, I’m afraid I may miss something important; I don’t know what I was thinking trying to start a new business with all of these autoimmune conditions.
Feeling: judgment, anger, disappointment, doubt
New Feeling: calm, peaceful, relaxed, hopeful
Example number 2
Reality: I had a difficult choice to make between attending a family reunion and taking advantage of some personal opportunities that would move my personal development and business plans forward. I chose the latter resulting in me needing to tell family members I could not attend the reunion.
Occurrng: I had the following thoughts, what makes you think you deserve to do something so selfish for you?; They will never understand and will be angry at you forever; what makes you think you are even going to benefit from a spiritual marketing workshop?; It’s not like you’ve ever made money before.
Feeling: anxiety, shame, and guilt
New Feeling: empowerment, hope, grateful, inspired
Example number 3
Reality: I have become aware and noticed multiple occurrings.
Occurrng: I had the following thoughts, OMG, I am such a mass look at how many occurring I have had such a brief time; it’s going to take me forever to get anywhere because I’m such a mess; I doubt I’ll ever have any money or any success; any money I make I will have to spend on helping me get rid of all of these occurring and limited beliefs.
Feeling: overwhelmed, anxious, self-doubt, judgment, hopeless
New Feeling: hopeful. Less self-doubt, not as anxious.
Thanks for this opportunity, Morty! I deeply and profoundly appreciate you and Shelley!
EVENT 1:
Reality: I have a very difficult relationship with a co-worker. One of the “higher” managers went to ask her a few questions but they were talking and were looking my way as they were laughing and giggling.
Occurrng: I thought they were talking about me and making fun of me. I also thought they were planning something against me.
Feeling: I was furious: I wanted to go up to them and ask them why they were laughing at me. I also wanted to beat the living daylight out of them. And then once the anger was spent, I felt depressed. Like a wimp and a total failure since people make fun of me so openly.
New Feeling: I realized that they were just enjoying themselves, talking to one another. My job does not affect either one of them so I don’t think they were discussing my work. I also reminded myself that the higher manager is a very friendly type who laughs and jokes around with everyone. What she did with my co-worker she does with everyone. Myself included. So, I dropped the anger and felt tremendous calm. Such a mundane act did not require such an extreme emotional reaction.
EVENT 2:
Reality: I was in the bus hurrying to catch a train. I had 10 minutes left before the train had to leave. The bus driver was inordinately slow and letting everyone pass in front of him instead of charging ahead to get to the train station.
Occurring: I felt that the bus driver was doing it on purpose. I got up and started pacing in the bus. The bus driver just kept looking at me,and the other passengers, and letting the other drivers pass. I think I saw him smurk a few times. I felt that he was being slow just to annoy the living shit out of me and the other passengers. Many passengers (most of them my co-workers) have already made complaints about him and I can’t stop wondering if he thinks that I am the person who spilled the beans on me. Of course, I have no way of knowing if he even knows that I have made a complaint about him.
Feeling: Extreme anger because I felt that the bus driver was doing it on purpose – since he saw my agitation. Anger that the bus company leaves this idiot work for them. Anger at his slowness during rush hour. Angry that I let myself get so angry by such insignificant occurences.
New Feeling: I remembered that we are in rush hour and to expect things to go slowly. I also remember that as a bus driver he cannot continuously drive as a maniac; if he would drive very aggressively, it might actually be worse for us since he would help increase the anger and frustration of all the other drivers stuck in traffic and also in a hurry. So, I relaxed and remembered that there were alternate routes if I missed the train. That it was not worthwhile for me to get angry since there is nothing I can do about it anyway. Felt calm and relaxed. And began enjoying the ride home.
EVENT 3;
Reality: Received a call from my father – just before supper. Dad wants a favour. Told him I could not help him right then: I was busy.It had to wait for the day after. The old man blew up at me calling me inconsiderate and disrespectful since I did not drop everything and do what he wanted.
Occurring: That my father does not see me as an adult. That he treats my like a child. That this is his pattern: waits to do something at the last minute, then causes a scene if you don’t do what he wants quickly although it is something that had to be done weeks, if not months, before. And then he starts insulting you. Always shows the same disrespect he showed me as a child. Manipulates with the threat of violence and resorts to emotional and psychological blackmail.
Feeling: I wanted to tell him to never call me again. That I am fed up with his lies and manipulation. That I am sick and tired of constantly having to bail him, that I have to live my life and plan my days to do for him what he does not want to do. I end up hating myself for not standing up to him or when I do stand up to him, feeling like an ingrateful daughter. I feel anger and hate for him and then when I calm down, I feel the same anger and hatred for myself.
New Feeling: I told myself that my father called me for a favour. I also told myself that my father will never change. I told myself that I – the grown woman – had nothing to do with my father’s lack of organization nor his emotional manipulation afterwards to make me feel guilty to get things done for him. So, I calmed down. And told him no. Gave him a date when I could help him. Once he started to scream, I told him that there was nothing I could do for his temper and told him that if he wanted my help in a week’s time, to call back with a different attitude. And then hung up.
Do this regardless of whether you feel you dissolved your occurring. I’l be giving feedback to a few of you that need help.
A. 1. Reality : Some Groupons, Living Social and Screaming Daily Deals expired.
2. Occurring : I LET the money saving coupons expire…I know better…I don’t have my sh*t together.
3. Feeling : Self directed shame and anger
4. New Feeling : After realizing Events have no inherent meaning, I am happy to review my remaining coupons and find a good place to eat tonight.
B. 1. Reality : I took my sister to the airport this morning after a one week visit.
2. Occurring : Did we get up early enough ? Did she get everything packed ? Is her luggage overweight ? Do we really have time to stop for a bagel and cream cheese ? Will traffic be bad ?
3. Feeling : Anxiety, stress, ambivalence.
4. New Feeling : Happy in the NOW.
C. 1. Reality : My former roommate Carol stopped by.
2. Occurring : Did she bring Maggie back into the park ? She needs my help to get her car tags renewed. She can’t find her paperwork. She doesn’t have enough money to pay for her tags, storage, and turning her phone BACK on. I think she has lost the part time job she had. I don’t want to add to her problems but if she’s not coming back because she won’t give Maggie up for adoption, I want to be able to rent out what has been her room for the last two years.
3. Feeling : Uptight
4. New Feeling : Relaxed and Happy again.
BTW, Pina looks like she is right on. I’m glad the scholarship is based upon a lottery and not the best stories. I am pretty sure I am doing the assignments well…I just admire some of the other applicants’ writing. Thanks again, Morty.
Reality: What really happened
Occurrng: The meaning you gave the events
Feeling: The emotions you experienced
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise
Reality: Dad went all ballistic over a bank statement that was not his over a subject that was none of his business.
Occurring: Dad is a rotten person and he really hurt me.
Feeeling: hurt, afraid, disappointed.
New Feeling: Should just avaoid him from now on.
Reality: I was thinking about the old lady where I live. She asked me to change the toilet roll before it was finished. She was frowning as she was saying it.
Meaning: At first I thought how stupid to change the toilet roll before its finished. Here she goes again. I then thought how my friend Mike would react if he saw the event he probably would laugh. I started to laugh to myself.
Old feeling: Slight anger and frustration.
New feeling: I felt like the event actually meant nothing.
Reality: I had aches and pains in my body and did not feel like working. I had taken a pain tablet an hour ago but it did not.
Meaning: I cant work I feel crappy.
New feeling: After changing the meaning the pain went away and I felt much Better.
Reality: Here comes my partner I cant finish this exercise.
Meaning: Why does she have to come now?
Old feeling: I felt frustrated with her.
New Feeling as I changed the meaning: I felt neutral and just told her I must finish this assignment first.
I have to laugh because I didn’t even have to set an alarm every hour. In a two hour period I had five opportunities to practice.
1. My husband left his empty soda cups on the counter again (I’ve asked him several times to throw them away.)
Reality: Carlos left empty soda cups on counter instead of throwing in trash.
Occurring: I’ve asked him several times to throw them in the trash and he said he would. he should do what he says he’ll do. It is so inconsiderate of him and lazy to leave the the cups for me to throw away.
Feeling: anger and frustrated
New Feeling: relief and confusion. I don’t know how to solve this problem so it doesn’t keep happening.
2. My 8-year-old daughter answers my question rudely and throws a destructive tantrum.
R: She answered my question with a harsh tone of voice and threw things around the room.
O: She’s being difficult and mean and rude to me. She is not suppose to be destructive and treat me this way.
F: anger
NF: still feel anger because I hate the event that keeps happening.
3. Son and daughter bickering.
R: Son and daughter bickering
O: She’s being stubborn and not sharing her markers to get back at her brother. Whenever she get’s mad she’s irrational, vindictive and destructive. If i don’t stop her she’ll be even worse as a teenager. She’ll destroy everything in the house and hurt people and make our lives miserable.
f: angry and helpless
nf: not as angry but frustrated with reoccurring situation and not know how to solve it.
4. r: Daughter is taking all the wrapping paper we made instead of taking turns with brother.
o: she’s being selfish & uncooperative again. Why does she act this way so much. I’m tired of fighting with her multiple times per day. I can’t wait until she is grown up and leaves this house. I hate how she treats her brother, she’s so mean to him.
f: anger and frustration
nf: not as angry but still very frustrated
5. r: daughter is slamming dishes in the dishwasher.
o: we’re locking horns again. just because she doesn’t want to do her chores. why can’t she just cooperate and stop destroying things.
f: anger, hatred, hopelessness.
nf: same.
Reality: What really happened
i did a casting. i did a great performances. they said to me i was perfect for the role. they didn’t call me.
Occurring: The meaning you gave the events
why i don’t get what i want ?
i am not famous for the role of the protagonist.
i don’t know the right people.
my agent is not good
Feeling: The emotions you experienced
i feel frustrated
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise.
#1
Reality: Saw a photo of my friend having fun with his friends on facebook
Occurring: They are so happy and having so much fun. How I wish I’m part of them? Why can’t I have a closer relationship with people? Why I wasn’t invited to the party? Why is my friend nervous around me but seems so happy with his other friends? Maybe I’m too aloof, cold or social inept. Why won’t people approach me? Aren’t I likable enough?
Feeling: Jealous and depressed
New Feeling: Definitely calmer. But the occurring keeps coming back and I have to dissolve it again. Guess there are underlying beliefs or conditioning not eliminated.
#2
Reality: Boss asks me a question on my work
Occurring: Did I do something wrong? How am I going to answer her so that I can cover myself? What if I really did something wrong? Is she going to scold me?
Feeling: Anxious
New Feeling: Feel more focus in answering the question without any feeling involved.
#3
Reality: Can’t style my hair nicely
Occurring: What’s wrong with my hair? Why everyone can do it and I can’t? Why does my hair looks so ugly? No matter what I do, I can’t get it right! Everyone else looks so neat and good and I’m in such a mess.
Feeling: Frustrated and depressed
New Feeling: Optimistic. I need a haircut! My hair is getting too long to style. Can’t style it now doesn’t mean I can’t style it forever. A change of hairstylist would be nice.
Reality: 3 yo daughter throws a tantrum and wont stay with me at the market.
Occurring: Oh gosh, they are all looking at me, they think Im a terrible mother. My daughter is all over the place, what is wrong with her! Why wont she just stay with me and be quiet.
Feeling: Embarrassed, frustrated, humiliated, shame, anger
New Feeling: Oh well, she is 3. She is doing things normal things a 3yo does.
Reality: Saw the light under my moms door.
Occurring: I feel so depressed doing this. I have to look under her door to see if she is up. Daughter cant make any noise, I have to act a certain way, be a certain way in order to stay with her until I get on my feet. I desperately want to be free, independent, out of the control of others.
Feeling: Anxiety, trapped, fear of her upset
New Feeling: Well, it is her house, she is helping me out. I can do this.
Reality: A car moved forward a little at their stop sign as I was crossing the street with my daughter
Occurring: Oh my gosh, they are going to hit me! Look at that car filled with teenagers. They are so reckless, they are really going to hurt someone one day. They need to realize that what they are doing is dangerous! They so stupid with their loud music and so selfish with their ignorance. I should tell them off; they are dangerous and need to be more careful and considerate of others.
Feeling: Fear, anxiety, anger, superiority
New Feeling: The driver made a mistake. Its ok.
occuring: dread having to go to work-feel like my loyal nature and skills are being taken for granted. i do not feel appreciated.
reality: i choose the way i feel. it does not matter what my bosses think, that does not make it reality. their lack of acknowledgement and praise does not mean that they do not appreicate me or what i do for the company and our clients.
occuring: frustrated that others show up late for work and leave early… all the while taking a long lunch.
reality: their lack of commitment and practicing good work habits is not my problem to fix. it does not prevent me from doing my job to the best of my abilty. the staff i am over are great and committed to good work habits. i only need to focus on them and not others.
occuring: going up to the front reception area, there are employees talking in spanish and laughing. they have been told many time not to do this. the clients may think they are talking about them and laughing at them.
reality: there are no clients in the reception area. because these employees live in spanish speaking homes, they probably just forgot and do not realizing they are doing this. it is not my problem to fix.
Reality: daughter spending all her time on computer
Occurring: she’s never going to have a real social life and be able to relate to people!
Feeling: Anguish, and failure as a mom
New Feeling: Calmer, realizing that this is what most teens do – it’s not about me!
Reality: I’m on the operating table receiving general anaesthetic. There had been many little glitches and misunderstandings in the chaos of the day surgery receiving and waiting area.
Occurring: This place is a zoo, it’s all about making money, they can’t and don’t care about human beings, they’re incompetent.
Feeling: Panic attack!
New Feeling: I recognize that my mind has a bunch of impressions from previous experiences, TV shows, things I didn’t understand as a child. I actually feel like my response was so automatic that it makes a joke of my seriousness. I laugh! FUNNY!!
Reality: I let go of the heavy door when kissing my son on his way into school, and the door swung and hit the right side of his head.
Occurring: I selfishly wanted him to love me, so I snuck a kiss and then that caused me to stop paying attention to the door. I am selfish.
Feeling: Guilty! Bad Mother!
New Feeling: I love my son and he loves me.
Reality: I was talking to the teacher while paying for my Nia class. The teacher walked away from me while I was still talking.
Occurring: I talk too much, nobody really wants to listen to me, I am a hijacker, taking up others’ time.
Feeling: rejection, self-deprecation, self-devaluation.
New Feeling: Neutral. The teacher needs to pay attention to other students before they leave, and it’s hard for her to listen while keeping track of various students. I sometimes do this myself.
Reality: My friend who picks me up to go to work was not arriving and it was getting kinda late
Occurring: I’m gonna be late
Feeling: Pressure
New Feeling: Relieved to know that there are a thousand possibilities that might change destiny. (As a side-note: we did make it on time).
Reality: Some of the guys I work with were talking about throwing a party at somebody’s house. I was not a part of the conversation at any point. None of them asked me to join the conversation, and
none of them expressed any intention to invite me to the party.
Occurring: I am someone who cannot manage to relate to people.
Feeling: Alone. Sad. Unimportant. Not normal. Powerless.
New Feeling: I felt awesome after I realized that, even if it is now temporarily true that I don’t relate to others as much as I want to, I made up the beliefs that cause this behavior, and I can eliminate them and change who I think I am.
Reality: I was at work, talking a lot, when my supervisor told me to please shut up and let him concentrate.
Occurring: I am stupid/annoying
Feeling: Inadequate. Embarrassed
New Feeling: I felt a calm reassurance because I remembered that whatever way I am being at any given point in time, and whatever way people perceive me to be as, is not who I really am, it is only a behavior I am exhibiting at that time. And even if some people do see me as stupid or annoying, it’s subjective to the eye of the beholder, not a fact in reality
Reality: woke up worried as I felt I let Paul think we had a chance together even though i believe its best to not commit into a relastionship
Occurring: im doing the wrong thing, its my fault, things will go bad, i cant focus on the right things.
Feeling: fear
New Feeling:Its not a committment, i still have a chance to explain that again, ill give it some time and it will make itself clear. I will not compromise on my moral and spiritual standards
Reality 2:Daughter said going overseas. I felt the tendency to feel disconnected spiritually from morning again .
Occuring: Im not good enough as feel disconnected in faith and i cant have her under gods protection
Feeling: worried, concerned. fear
New Feeling: I can make things right by believing that if i admit repentfully from mistakes.
Reality 3: Reversed car into a post after asking about a purchase of lemons from farmer.
Occurring: this is because ive done wrong, i cant afford this, my poor is a reflection of me all damaged
Feeling: sick, hurt and sad
New feeling: Im not going to despair. it will work out in the end. I need to learn to be in right standing. i love you lord.
1. Reality: What really happened
I want to surf the Internet while I am working.
Occurring: The meaning you gave the events
I am not a good worker. I do this all the time. I need to be more disciplined. If my boss catches me doing that I would get in trouble.
Feeling: The emotions you experienced
I feel anxiety because I am forcing myself to not do it. A little bit of guilt about doing it in the past. Feeling like I really need to act on that thought.
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise.
The desire to surf says nothing about me. It is just a passing impulse and I don’t have to act. It feel like I don’t have to force myself.
2. Reality: What really happened
I dropped the iron on the floor and cracked it’s water container.
Occurring: The meaning you gave the events
Now I will have to buy a new one. I can’t believe I broke an expensive iron. My wife is going to be upset. I need to be more careful.
Feeling: The emotions you experienced
I felt really stupid and careless and that I could have prevented it. It’s my fault! Stress
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise.
I feel better. I definitely can see that the occurring is totally in my mind.
3. Reality: What really happened
My customer told me he would call me in 5 minutes and it is taking longer.
Occurring: The meaning you gave the events
I am in a hurry and I have other things I need to work on. I do not have time to wait for him. He needs to hurry up. Now I will be behind
Feeling: The emotions you experienced
Frustrated and stressed. Angry that he is taking so long.
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise.
I feel ok. There is no reason for me to be upset over a meaningless event.
Reality: What really happened
I went to a meeting about our new benefit provider that I didn’t really need to go to.
Occurring: The meaning you gave the events
I should not have gone. It was really boring and useless. Now I have more work to do.
Feeling: The emotions you experienced
Stress
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise.
I feel ok. And while I wouldn’t do it again it wasn’t entirely a waste of time.
Reality: What really happened
A lifelong family friend and childhood neighbor made a very negative comment about me.
Occurring: The meaning you gave the events
I wonder why I keep attracting these sorts of experiences. I must deserve it.
I Feeling: The emotions you experienced
Emotional upset.
New Feeling: How you felt once you tried the exercise.
I felt forgiving towards unconscious behavior.
Ok…here is my assignment #2
This was very interesting once again. Here is my occuring and my thoughts about it.
6am Thought was “I need to get Lilli (my daughter) a new heater in her room.”
Reality: I had a thought about getting Lilli a heater for her room.
Occurring: I saw the meaning that I was a bad mom and wasn’t thinking of her because Iain has one and my husband and I just got a mattress heater that I loved and her room is the only one that is still cold. I wasn’t being kind to her. Saw her as getting the raw end of the deal.
Feeling: Felt guilty and sad and blaming toward myself.
New Feeling: A lot lighter. I also had ideas toward action. I also thought that I don’t KNOW that she NEEDS a new heater. She seems to sleep fine. I saw that she probably doesn’t know the difference. She has never asked for one. Saw it being completely about me and it is my want that she be warmer at night. It may not even be a need. WOW…
This really made me see how MUCH meaning I give to everything. Mind blowing.
Reality – What has actually happened
Occurring – The meaning you are giving to the reality
Feeling – The feeling generated by your meaning
New Feeling – How you feel after making the distinction between accurring and reality
Reality – 4:30 AM The alarm clock goes off.
Occurring – Means that I have to get out of the warm bed and be mizerable
Feeling – I am so tired and frustrated
New Feeling – This is just the alarm and I choose the following meaning: going to the GYM makes my day. It feels good.
Reality: 2 PM A colegue of mine is on the phone. Having an argument with a client.
Occurring: My colegue is very rude. She is a bad person.
Feeling: I really don’t like her. A feel kind of anger towards her.
New feeling: May be she had many problems today, at work or may be at home. I feel sympathy. May be she needs my help.
Reality: 8 PM My husband is not in a good mood. Doesn’t talk to me.
Occurring: He is a selfish and not appretiative … spouse.
Feeling: I just hate him. I want a divorse!!!
New Feeling: He had a hard day at work. His boss is not nice. May be he needs an outcome for his negative energy. He is desperate.
I feel for him and say something nice about going to Ringling Brothers Circus on Saturday. He changes states and feels better.
Reality : A friend tells me that his boyfriend thinks my current situation seeking my true life purpose is a waste of time and still after more than one year intangible.
Occuring: He doesn’t get it.
Feeling : upset, a little bit of doubt
New feeling: you know what your doing and you trust yourself
Reality : trying to convince my partner also about my believes in spirituality
Occurring: he respects my thoughts and believes but he has a diffrent opinion. I don’t understand why? Why does he not get it?!?
Feeling: disappointment
New feeling : let it go, you can’t push anyone. Free will!
Reality : woke up late, again.
Occurring : what are you doing? Really Sibel what are you doing???
Feeling : of no avail, doubt, shame
New feeling : everything happens for a reason and thats what you have to experience right now
Reality: 6:00PM I was reading, the phone rang, and the alarm for assestment run on
Occurring: Scared, though I was not able to, afraid of not been able to accomplish the task.
Feeling: Sadness, lack of energy confused
New Feeling: Nervous, maybe not doing right the exercise.
Reality: 9:00 PM Driving to my cousing house
Ocurring: Nervous, but feel safe
Feeling: Anxious and scared
New feeling: OK, but I do not trust him
Reality: 9:00 PM, Again. Counts don’t match. Cousin´s house.
Ocurring: Brave, I understand my mind plays tricks, and creates emotions out of thin air
Feeling: Strong, maybe too much
New Feeling: I can trust my self, but still don´t understand how
Reality: Kay at my yogurt.
Occurring: Kay has taken something of mine as is being inconsiderate.
Feeling: annoyed, wronged, a desire to scold Kay
New Feeling: embarrassed for not being generous and taking Kay’s needs into consideration.
Reality: I couldn’t remember if I had taken my medication or not.
Occurring: Short-term memory loss is side effect of taking the medication.
Feeling: doubtful, scared, uneasy
New Feeling: calm, I feel like I did take the medication (and it doesn’t matter if one day was skipped), and whether I did or not take the pill I’m fascinated by how my mind fills in the blanks.
Reality: There was a knock at the door while I was working and I felt annoyed.
Occurring: My time is more important than others.
Feeling: judgmental toward myself, feeling like I am not a good person because I felt annoyed and see my time as most important
New feeling: kinder to myself
Morty, I’m amazed by the generalizations my mind makes to create the occurrings. For example, one event was that Kay didn’t notice that I was using the sink, and the way that occurred to me was that Kay didn’t love me. When I saw the leap that my mind had to take to create that occurring, I just had to laugh and the hurt feelings went away immediately.
I am eager to learn all of the techniques in the course. Please award the scholarship to me.
Reality: I’m in fabric store looking at fabrics
Occuring: I don’t always finish my projects, wasted money.
Feelings: anxious and overwhelmed, failure
New feeling: woman looking at fabric, not sure if she wants to sew or not.
Reality: Bumped into a friend at the library.
Occuring: I feel like a mess wearing old jeans, no make up, not a good hair day and my friend is coming in from work, she’s well groomed, looks elegant.
Feeling: Anxious and uncomfortable.
New feeling: If I just accept that it’s not what I always look like and stop comparing myself, I’m able to have nice visit with her.
The event: At the grocery store buying food.
The occuring: I hate cooking, I’m not organized, I’m not eating properly, etc
Feeling: Negative feelings about myself, overwhelmed.
New Feeling: Just shopping for healthy food.
Here are three occurrings that came up during my day of assignment 2!
1.
Reality: Waking up in the morning and planning to go the gym before starting my day
Occurring: I can’t be bothered, I don’t want to lose the muscle tone I’ve already gained, deep down I feel like this is very unimportant and I’m just going to the gym out of insecurity of not being strong enough. I’ll never be strong enough or put on the muscle that I’ll feel satisfied with.
Feeling: Uncomfortable, Stuck, Unmotivated, Anxious
New Feeling: I’m just lying in my bed about to get up and go to the gym and that’s all haha
I realized where a belief of I don’t feel strong enough came from based on a passing comment my dad made when I was young which could have easily led to me not feeling strong enough etc. so I can obviously see why this resistance has come up. Going to the gym also makes me feel great in many ways so I’m not doing it completely out of any insecurity as I feel great in my body and self afterwards and allows me to take on the day feeling refreshed from doing physical exercise!
2
Reality: Waiting to be paid by a band I play guitar for after sending two reminder emails and then after not being paid yet I sent an email being specific about what I want from now on (with payment conditions and my fee being raised for 2012)
Occurring: I’m not valued in this band, I’m not a priority, I’m feeling like a demanding child asking for what I want, I might not deserve being paid more.
Feeling: Anxious, really tight heart area (I guess that’s fear?) Nervous.
New Feeling: shed some light on what meaning I placed on the whole thing when I don’t know for sure that any of those meanings are true…. I can write my negative meanings down and come up with alternative meanings such as: Of course I deserve to be paid more, I play wedding gigs for as much as I’m asking my pay rise to be. I am valuing myself more.
3.
Reality: Sitting down at my computer to write music
Occurring: I’ll never write anything good, I don’t have what it takes, I’m too tired to do anything, If I haven’t written a hit song now why would I write one today? No one will like what I write, I’m sick of writing mediocre music.
Feeling: Anxiousness, Uninspired, Hopelessness, Tired
New Feeling: All I’m doing is sitting at a computer with software open ready to write some music!
the meaning I’m placing on the event isn’t THE truth but just A truth!
I have written great music before, I do have what it takes just like the next person does, Every music idol of mine has written songs that I think are mediocre, I don’t really care how people see me, This mediocre music I think I’m writing could be leading me to something I really do love!
overall I feel a lot more in control of how I can respond to these events but It’s in my nature to question whether I’ve actually done the occurring process correctly? as some beliefs came up I’m wondering if they dissolve through this process or just give me temporarily relief until they come up again?
either way Thankyou very much!!!!
Gill
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