Assignment 2 “what if”
Note: In case you need to review the video that describes this assignment in detail click
What Is The Two-Word Question That Keeps You From Taking Action?
Instructions for Assignment 2.
1. Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding. It could be anything from going to the gym to calling someone on the phone or creating plans for someone you want or need to do.
2. See if there are any “What if’s” that are in your way. “What if I fail?” “What if it’s too hard?” “What if I’m too tired?”
3. Find the occurrings relating to those “What if’s” by answering the “What if” questions. Your answers to these questions are additional occurrings.
4. Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
5. Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and your occurrings, the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind.
6. Take note of whether your feelings dissolve or not and post your results below.
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1. I’ve been avoiding going on dates, feeling tired and afraid.
2. I’ve been thinking: “What if I don’t know what to say?” “What if I embarrass myself?” “What if she doesn’t like me?”
3. If I don’t know what to say or she doesn’t like me, it means I’m not good enough. If I embarrass myself, it means I’m a loser.
4. In reality, I’m meeting women and getting messages on dating sites.
5. Me not being good enough and a loser are things that I made up, which I often make up, and have nothing to do with what happened.
6. I feel light, free, and excited to get started. I can’t wait to start replying to some of the messages I’ve received!
Hi Sean,
Congratulations. Keep making clear distinctions between events and how they occur for yu, and the occurrings will dissolve, along with any feelings caused by the occurrings.
It will totally transform your experience of life.
Love,Morty
1. I avoid making contact with people who are in the position of giving me work.
2. What if they are saying no. What if I don’t have an answer. What if, when I should get an assignment, I will be too busy, can’t handle the situation, can’t do other things anymore, and a sort of mess develops.
3. New occurrings: then I’ll fail for myself, I am not succeeding again, I get stuck and all the trouble to get out again.
4. The reality of the situation: I phone with the request to assist the person with my services and the answer is yes or no, most of the times with a reason.
5. Me not being good enough, being a loser, getting stuck, all the required energy to get out are the meanings I am giving and they have nothing to do with the answers I get.
6. I am feeling astonished now, but not relieved completely.
Hi Gerry,
If you make a clear distinction between the events and how they occur for you, the occurring will dissolve completely, along with any feelings caused by the occurring. If you are not “relieved completely,” the distinction is not yet totally clear for you.
Keep trying it in other areas of your life and let me know what happens.
Love,Morty
1. I avoid doing my daily exercise
2.Main what if is What if ill be to noked out to do my main lifes work
3. if ill be to tired then Im not responsible to my work and the people I work with and I show poor judjment making less impotant things come before the most impotant
4. in realtiy this is just avoidance tactics to be responsible and do what will make me more energized and do my work better both in the short run and in the long run
5. realy I just have a laziness and or lack of awarnees of my own best inrest and intentions
6. the realness reawakens the desire and happiness and im off and running
Hi Moshe,
I’m not sure exactly what your occurring is. The event is you have exercise to do. What meaning are you giving it? When you make a clear distinction between the event and how it occurs to you, the occurring will dissolve.
Love, Morty
1. Avoid building a website to offer my services.
2.What if nobody likes the website, what if nobody calls me to make an appointment, what if people call me and I can’t give them what they need.
3. I will feel that I’ve failed if nobody calls me, and if they call me and want my services, I will fail if I can’t give them what they need.
4. What is happening in reality is that nobody knows that I’m here wanting to use my abilities to help people
5. If I build my website I will know if it attracts people or not, and could modify it if it is not working. It doesn’t mean that I am a failure if they do not call. When people are finally calling me I’ll have the chance to see if I can help them or not. If I see that I couldn’t help them and it was because of me, I’ll just don’t ask for money. If I don’t do anything, I will never know if I am able to do what I really would like to do.
5. I feel beter about it and I am going to begin building my website, but I am still scared to be disappointed if it doesn’t work as would like to.
Hi Carolina,
Events have no inherent meaning, so they can’t make us feel anything. All feelings are caused my the meaning we give events.
SO if you really dissolve the meaning (the website won’t be successful) you gave the the event (having a website to build), the occurring will dissolve, along with the feeling caused by the meaning.
Try using the process again.
Love,Morty
1. I avoid speaking up for myself with my family.
2. What if I actually do and nothing changes? What if I have to face things that I don’t really want to face?
3. What if I do speak up and things actually get worse?
4. Reality – if I don’t speak up things can’t change at all. Things have to change one way or the other to maintain my sanity.
5. Whether things change or not doesn’t really matter as long as I have the opportunity to make my voice heard. It will make me feel better. It will make my family aware that there is an issue. I can re-evaluate and continue to move forward toward my highest and best good.
6. I feel lighter and more confident.
Hi Nicole,
You found some alternative interpretations that helped you dissolve the meaning. You don’t necessarily have to create positive meanings, just get that your meaning is only in your mind. The event has no inherent meaning.
Love,Morty
1. I’ve been avoiding finishing my resume feeling very afraid
2. What if’s – what if I can’t do it (my mind will be too fuzzy and unwilling trying to remember); I don’t think I can really remember these things; what if it’s just a bunch of hooey and nobody except me cares; what if I remember wrong; what if it’s all too far in the past; what if I get re-traumitized remembering some of it; what if I can’t do it? What if I put down the wrong information – not incorrect stuff, but stuff that doesn’t belong on a resume, according to the judgements of others or if I just misjudge myself?
3. If I can’t do it it means I’m not who I think I am, it means that “they” were right and I am wrong – I’m not valuable. If my mind is too fuzzy it proves I’m not up to a job. If I can’t remember, it proves that I’m way to rusty to think I can still do some of that past-work stuff. If nobody cares about the stuff that I’ve accomplished except me, it means I’m full of beans when I think I have gifts to offer. If I can’t do it, it means that I am weaker than my “feelings” and weaker than my “mind.” If I get re-traumitized then I will set myself back – or it will prove that I haven’t made progress at all. What if I put down the wrong stuff – people will think I’m just a weirdo because what’s important to me is different. It will prove I don’t “belong.” A square peg sort of thing. What if I get a job and lose my soul….
4. Notice the reality of the situation: I need to write my resume and make a living.
5. To distinguish between what is happening in the physical world and my occurrings: I need to write my resume so that people can see what I have to offer. If I tell the truth about myself, they may or may not want what I have to offer. All my occurrings about not fitting it, or a job swallowing my soul, are just projections (or memories from past difficult experiences). I’m actually giving myself a very hard time about it and totally focusing on fear rather than open to possibility and even really good outcomes. I am making the process traumatic by all these projections and occurrings. The truth is I don’t know what the outcome will be. Being optimistic is as valid a choice as it’s opposite. And much easier to live with.
6. I feel like somebody just unburdoned me and I’m no longer hitting myself – or being threatened with – a big stick. At least, now I’m not fooled by that big stick. It’s just a big stick – and not the truth.
Hi Carol,
You dissolved your occurring and the feelings it had caused. Congratulations.
Now keep doing it in all areas of your life, every day. It will transform your experience of life.
Love, Morty
1. avoid scheduling phone call time
2. what if they say NO or I catch them at a bad time
3. I’ll feel rejected. I’ll feel funny
4. people do want and need to hear from me. I just am not getting organized
5. People will want what I have to offer or not so I just need to call when it fits in my schedule and maybe need to call another time if they are busy. They will not snap my head off about it.
6. I do feel better. Reality is nice.
Hi Tzeidel,
It really does work, doesn’t it?
Whenever you make a clear distinction between events and how they occur to you, the occurring will dissolve, along with any feelings caused by the occurring.
Keep using the process in your life.
Love, Morty
WHAT IF ME DOING ASSIGNMENT 2 is just a waist of my time, since…I’m not gonna win..?
1.) I noticed I was procrastinating on doing THIS assignment. I felt a ghostly impression of disappointment within.
2.)WHAT IF I don’t get selected? WHAT IF I am just wasting my time? WHAT IF I’m still not doing this right OR answering this correctly? WHAT if this proves that this shit won’t work for me?
3.) WHAT if by getting passed up for a scholarship it means I’m cursed? WHAT IF it means I am simply, utterly and quite obviously NOT GOOD ENOUGH? WHAT IF I AM AFRAID OF THAT FINAL CONFIRMATION OF THAT, THAT GETTING PASSED OVER WILL PROVE? It could mean I am hopless and doomed to a life of struggle and bullsh*t…
4.)What is happening now.. is I am sitting in front of my computer with a couple of minutes of down time, plenty of time to partake in this exercise. AND I am CHOOSING to partake in this exercise.
5.)Just participating, even now…the crap I experienced earlier…is just that..crap. I just realized that I am ACTUALLY WINING NOW, by my experiencing this exercise alone, regardless…but even that is an occuring, the fact of the matter is that I am typing on my computer… I am not gonna die or be cursed or any of that nonsense…
6.) Well, obviously, I have completed this exercise, in a state of neutrality, and I actually feel EVERY TIME I go within I can’t help but feel I am wining anyway!! Every time I dissolve an occuring, It’s like Im chipping away this illusion I have been under for as long as I can remember…how can I not be winning??
Hi Noah,
You did a great job with this process. You may or may not win the scholarship, but you did dissolve the meaning you gave an event that had been causing you to experience negative feelings. And when the occurring dissolved, the feelings did also.
Keep practicing. It will transform your daily experience of life.
Love,Morty
1.I am avoiding offering a new class in Conscious Movement Education for Riders
2. What if only one or two people are interested like in the past.
3. I will feel disappointed AGAIN that no one is interested in what I have to offer.
4. If I don’t put it out there there’s no way people can respond and there’s no way I can find out whether people would be interested in such a class.
5. Whether people sign up or not doesn’t mean they’re not interested. It just means that people have limited moneys right now and they have to prioritize what they spend it on. It’s not really about me not being good enough or valued.
Hi Stanlee,
You did it. Congratulations.
Whenever you make a clear distinction between events and how those events occur to you, the occurring will dissolve.
Keep using this process in all ares of your life. all the time.
Love, Morty
I’ve been avoiding initiating a consultation with a tax strategist in order to implement a plan for a business I’m starting.
My major what if is that, if i’m somehow not prepared enough than I will be wasting there time and possibly sabotaging that resource.
The reality of the situation is that I know I know enough to begin this process, and that I’m just delaying the success I’m so anxious for. The reality is that I have no reason to believe this person is high stakes cutthroat and in fact have seen evidence to the contrary.
As I’m exploring this the heaviness and worry is lifting and I’m being reminded of the excitement of it all and my confidence in it.
Hi David,
Yes, it really does work.
Anytime you make a clear distinction between events and how they occur for you, the occurring will dissolve.
Keep using it in every area of your life, all the time.
Love,Morty
1. I have been avoiding using lists
2. My what ifs are: what if I can’t make this a habit and once again I never finish anything I start and what if I haven’t ticked everything off at the end of the day
3. The occurrings relating to the what ifs is I attribute fear of failure.
4. The reality of writing a list is itemising actions that need to be taken, it is merely groups of letters that form words
5. The reality in the physical world is there will be a piece of paper with things I need to do written on it, the meaning I am giving this event that exists in my mind is if I don;t complete the tasks then I have failed.
6. Yes, my feelings have dissolved, at the end of the day whether I complete all tasks isn’t a pass/fail requirement of life, nobody else is judging me because nobody else knows what could be on my list, this was self judgement that has held me back from utilising an effective resource.
Thanks once again this exercise has given me clarity in what is holding me back from reaching my potential, my limiting beliefs.
Hi Sharon,
It appears that you were successful in dissolve you r occurring.
Now keep doing it in all areas of your life, every day.
Love,Morty
I’ve been avoiding asking questions on my apprentising in a new line of work, to find out how and where it is going.
I’ve been asking myself alot of “what ifs”, as to what & wether to ask.
I have realized the negative occurances in my mind, and they go away,
I know that there is a future in line for me, and need to face the reality that it takes time & not let occurances hold me back.
I know I am doing well, and plan to ask my questions this week,
Your processes really help
Hi Sally,
It really does work. Congratulations.
Now keep using the process in other areas of your life, every day.
Love,Morty
1. Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding. It could be anything from going to the gym to calling someone on the phone or creating plans for someone you want or need to do.
I have been avoiding calling someone who is not doing her work because it is always so frustrating.
2. See if there are any “What if’s” that are in your way. “What if I fail?” “What if it’s too hard?” “What if I’m too tired?”
What if she again lies to me and pushes my buttons?
3. Find the occurrings relating to those “What if’s” by answering the “What if” questions. Your answers to these questions are additional occurrings.
I will be frustrated and angry if she again procrastinates, lies and plays with me.
4. Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
Right now there is no problem. I am avoiding contacting her, but there is nothing more, really.
5. Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and your occurrings, the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind.
The ideas I have in my mind are painful so i try to avoid these, too. By staying in the present moment, I may be avoiding, but it is a lot calmer that going with my ideas.
6. Take note of whether your feelings dissolve or not and post your results below.
I feel that this process clarifies things more. It does not convince me to call her, but it does show more clearly the benefit of not dwelling on possible motives, consequences, etc.
Hi Steve,
The point of the process is not to convince you to act, but to remove barriers to acting. The barriers are our occurings and feelings.
By making a clear distinction between events and the meaning we give those events, the occurrings will dissolve, along with any feelings caused by the events.
When you do that you’ve eliminated the major barriers to acting.
Love,Morty
1. I’ve been avoiding starting a lab report that is due on Monday.
2. What if I fail, what if I’m too stupid to do well
3. The occurings have to do with the fear that I will fail and that I’m incapable of succeeding without help
4. I really just need to get started and I can always ask for help if I need any. The earlier I get started, the less stressfull it will be and it is more likely that I will do well.
This puts things into perspective for me… Although I do feel better, its not fully dissolved
Hi Roselle,
The point is not to talk yourself out of the meaning you created. The trick is to clearly state the event (I have a lab report due Monday) and how it occurs for you (I will fail and can’t do it without help) and make a clear distinction between the two.
Can you see that having a report to write doesn’t inherently mean you will fail? You can’t possibly know if you will fail or not merely from having to write a report. Writing the report has no inherent meaning.
When you get that, the occurring will dissolve totally along with any feelings the occurring produced.
Love, Morty
1. Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding. It could be anything from going to the gym to calling someone on the phone or creating plans for someone you want or need to do.
cleaning up my room
2. See if there are any “What if’s” that are in your way. “What if I fail?” “What if it’s too hard?” “What if I’m too tired?”
what if i dont finish in time? what if i cannot finish?
3. Find the occurrings relating to those “What if’s” by answering the “What if” questions. Your answers to these questions are additional occurrings.
4. Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
it will only take a few minutes to complete
5. Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and your occurrings, the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind.
6. Take note of whether your feelings dissolve or not and post your results below.
feeligng dissolved
Hi Jensen,
Maybe the occurring dissolved, but you didn’t provide enough details for me to know if you used the process correctly. When you do, the occurring will dissolve totally.
Love, Morty
1. What if I graduate and others think I am not good enough? Notice the feelings: anxiety, thinking I may not be good enough–comparing myself with my super achievers and famous scientist friends. I can feel that is not true. I had made up this story. They will be happy for me and I too. As I am happy for them.
2. The meaning is fear to assume my role in the larger scheme. It is not them judging me, that is an excuse.
3. The meaning is that it had no meaning. I felt that I was not good enough. The event has not happened yet.
4. Notice how the feeling changed: I feel responsible for making that story and relief too…because I know it is just a story. It is not true and nobody is judging me, only me.
5. I better do the actions …nobody is watching. I am responsible for my present and future.
Hi Veronika,
It appears that you tried to talk yourself out of the meaning, include of dissolving it. You do that by making a clear distinction between the event and how the event occurs for you.
Try it again and let me know.
Love, Morty
1. I have been avoiding giving speeches within my field, and submitting my writing to specialized journals in the area. I had developed fears about my performance. What if they reject me? Why if they think I am not professional? What if my peers or professors do not accept my views?
I actually give one-to-one person advice and even write papers for others but do not publish my own. I write and blog, but continue wishing to go back to finish my career.
3. I realize that this reaction is a hang-over from an old comment a professor made about my accent. That comment started a process that made me departure from my career, lose my funding, and leave school when I was less than a semester from finishing my doctoral degree. The meaning I gave to his comment was that I was being rejected by the community I wished to belong to. The reality was that it was just a careless comment by a person who has probably never tried to speak another language and who later said, he did not remember saying anything.
4. Knowing this made me realize that I lost so much energy and efforts, because, I assigned that event a meaning. His words do not represent a community of global scientist or the public.
During that huge crash in my career, I dedicated myself fully to understand the lessons from the event. I become a science writer (I now write science for the public). I learned to forgive and accepted responsibility for my reactions. Once I accept my responsibility, I stopped blaming him or the institution. But I did not know how to get rid of the fear/reaction.
5. I now know my reaction was the result of giving meaning to that event. I still feel nervous about submitting papers in my field. I am not yet back to school because I don’t have the funds to pay my tuition. How can I make this better? I have been moving forward. I appreciate your advice.
Hi Veronika,
Did you really dissolve the meaning you gave the professor’s comment? If you did all the feelings also will disappear.
I have no advice to give on how to get the money you need to return to school. Sorry. If you can focus only on school and your career, without being blinded by your occurring and feelings, I’m sure you’ll find a solution.
Love, Morty
1. Avoiding: exercise
2. What ifs: what if I am no longer able to do what I did in the past, what if I am not able to exercise.
3. Answer the what if’s: I am not fit, attractive, strong, capable of phyical activity.
4. What is happening now: I am not giving myself a chance to start “where I am” and jsut move.
5. Distinguish between what is happening and occurrings: I am moving in a psositive direction, getting cd’s and looking at how I can exercise and get moving today as opposed to living in the past or future.
6. Feelings: I feel positive about how I have moved in a positive way and do not feel attached to how I was in the past, I feel free to “move” forward!
Thank you, great process!
Hi Jane,
Congratulations. When you make a clear distinction between the event in reality and how it occurs to you in your mind, the occurring will dissolve, along with any feelings that had been caused by the occurring.
Keep using it in your life.
Love, Morty
I have been avoiding going out and networking my coaching
What if I fail, what if people laugh at me, what if I look stupid, what if people laugh at me
I am making meanings, I am stupid, I have nothing important to say, I will be so embarrassed, I will not be able to talk, I have nothing important to say
In reality, I am doing nothing, I am not taking action, I have no idea how I will be received
All of this is story I made up in my head and never happened
I feel relieved, free and energized
My What if question is: What if I have trouble or do my tax return wrong. The answer is that I’ll get audited. I have to pay $ anyway and have already set up a payment plan for last year which bring me to another What if: What if I just can not make the payments and I can not afford to do anything fun in my life? The answer is: I always have $ when I need it and much more. What if all my positive thoughts don’t really happen? Answer: If I’m always turning back I am allowing the male consciousness/monkey mind/Ego to take control of my life.
Result: I’ll do my tax return TODAY.
1. Pushing my desire to sing to be a singer.
2. What if I fail? What if I can’t handle success? What if my privacy is invaded?
3. If I fail, my dreams are worthless. If I succeed to well, I will lose my sense of self. If my privacy is invaded, people know aspects of myself that I hate and will hate me also.
4. My work, via my dreams, makes me happy. People love me despite my flaws.
5. Physical world- I have a good voice and I often can’t control the music that comes to my head.
Occuring – All are just what ifs, a myriad of situations that could exist, not reality. I must experience it to see.
6. I feel better, not as scared.
1. Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding. It could be anything from going to the gym to calling someone on the phone or creating plans for someone you want or need to do.
I started a goals and sucess progrm and just stopped – I feel blocked about writing doem my goals and competing that process. I tell mysel fI should do it, it’s not that hard, but I just balk.
2. See if there are any “What if’s” that are in your way. “What if I fail?” “What if it’s too hard?” “What if I’m too tired?”
What if I can’t do it? What if it’s just too hard?
3. Find the occurrings relating to those “What if’s” by answering the “What if” questions. Your answers to these questions are additional occurrings.
If I can’t do it that means I’m inadequate. If it’s too hard that means I’m not capable.
4. Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
The program is on my computer. I open the program, feel overwhelmed, and do nothing.
5. Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and your occurrings, the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind. Nothing is happening in physical world! All the what ifs, the worry etc is happening in my mind – I’m making it all up!
6. Take note of whether your feelings dissolve or not and post your results below.
I felt a lot lighter and less stuck. I opened the program and got started where I’d got stuck! Some success!
1. Create the trainings I have in mind
2. What if I lack the time to complete it; What if I don’t have enough money to spend time creating them; What if I try to create something to perfect and never finish; What if I don’t have enough energy; What if I don’t stick to the plan / schedule (of creating them)
3. All What if’s are followed by: “then I won’t succeed, I’ll never finish it”; the last one: If I don’t stick to the plan, I am weak, I don’t have discipline. If I don’t have discipline I am not worthy and I will never succeed.
4. This didn’t occur, I didn’t even start
5. see 4
6. I can simply take the first step. And then the next. And the next. And so on. THis makes me feel more confident and at ease.
1. Action that I have been avoiding: Phone a prospective client
but it would not matter if he said No either. Next client.
2. What if I phone and he says he doesn’t want my services? What if it is too expensive for him? What if someone else already phoned him before me?
3. If he says he doesn’t want my services I will feel embarrassed, It will probably stop me from phoning anyone else, It is a lot of money… There are probably other people out there that can offer a better deal.
4. I did not phone yet so I don’t know what his reaction will be. Even if he says no, that does not mean that the next client will say no too. What I charge is compatible to the market.
5. It’s just a phone call. I can not predict what he will say or do. He will have his reasons to say yes or no. I need to make this phone call to get more business. If I don’t call he will not be aware that I have a service that he might need.
6. I made the phone call. No problem and no negative feelings. (by the way, he said yes
1. I have been avoiding/given up on getting a job.
2. What if I fail what if I am not good enough not qualified enough not up on the latest technology enough don’t have the clothes to wear. . .etc
3.I am sooooo stuck I can think of only a long list of reasons to back up the what ifs: I don’t have nice clothes to make it in the work place I am not up on the latest technology so others automatically have a jump on the job anyway, I can’t get past entry level jobs no confidence.
4. reality is I need to make the first step and apply; anyway easier said than done. the overwhelming feeling is still there I have not MADE it this far in life and can’t seem to do what it takes to get MADE I have a college education and do understand and can learn the latest but. . .
I can understand it’s in my mind and starts with my thoughts but not able to separate. Feeling more like a failure cause I am not able to do this program. tears flow down my face
5.Actually seems to amplify what I am already feeling
1. Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding.
Going out with friends because I am in pain due to a break up.
2. See if there are any “What if’s” that are in your way. “What if I fail?” “What if it’s too hard?” “What if I’m too tired?”
What if I go and I am overwhelmed with my feelings, things remind me of him and I end up feeling worse and want to just leave?
3. Find the occurrings relating to those “What if’s” by answering the “What if” questions. Your answers to these questions are additional occurrings.
What if I go and get overwhelmed and feel sick and I can’t contain myself and my friends won’t know how to console me and I will have ruined the night for everyone?
4. Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
I need to give myself a break. I just broke up with my boyfriend who I still love and still want it to work. It doesn’t make me bad. It makes me human. Going out could actually help me to feel a bit better. I won’t know if I don’t try.
5. Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and your occurrings, the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind.
I don’t need to be afraid of going out with my friends, but I don’t need to force myself either. It really isn’t about going out with my friends at all, it is my belief about myself because of the break up. That is the issue.
6. Take note of whether your feelings dissolve or not and post your results below.
I feel better about the thought of the stress of going out with friends because it seems to be what is expected of people when they are going through a tough moment. I will feel better about this situation eventually. I will end up going out with my friends again and I know I can enjoy myself. I have in the past before the boyfriend and I will in the future without him too. I can enjoy my life without him there. I don’t need him as the source of my happiness.
1. Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding: I’ve been avoiding being in contact with my family in different ways, choosing not to wish them happy birthday, only calling them a couple times a year.
2. What if I don’t have anything to say? They won’t benefit from the conversation. They will think I don’t care about them. They’ll tell me not to contact them in the future, etc.
3. Find the occurrings relating to those “What if’s”. They won’t want to talk with me. They won’t like me anymore. I’ll be ostracized. I’ll be alone. etc.
4. What’s really happening? Right now. I’m thinking of using a reminder system to tell me when my family members birthdays are.
5. Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and your occurrings. What’s actually happening is simply a thought process about placing a reminder in a folder. The occurings are wild imaginations that have no reality.
6. When I think of placing the reminder in the folder I have feelings at all, instead of a flood of anxiety.
1.Avoiding social situations
2.What if Iam criticized,judged or rejected?
3.people always busy to notice me.
4.I see only people minding ther business
5.the meanings are only in my mind.
6. partially dissolved
avoiding: making love to my husband
feeling: fear/resistance
Q) What if it’s too painful again…
A) I’ll be sorry and it’s not worth it.
Event Reality: I’m thinking about making love.
Meaning: My mind is making up scenarios and fears based on past events.
The fears dissipate when I realize I’m contemplating making love……and my mind is imagining hurting myself.
Making love in THIS moment is a brand new experience that hasn’t yet happened.
Keeping the mind in the moment to moment reality is a challenge!
thank you,
Debbie
1- Avoiding getting one of my computers fully restored after a crash.
2-What if it’s just time to buy a new one? What if I go to all the trouble and it crashes again.
3- Experience tells me all computers go down after awhile. Shouldn’t I go with the ‘solution after next’?
What is that?
4-I use the computer and others and they work fine to facilitate what I need.
5-Contrast- My ruminating is just bothersome- The reality is things are OK.
6- Lessened negative feelings. Relieved.
1. Avoiding visiting organizations to find a job.
2. What if they reject me? What if I can get a job just by staying at home. What if I don’t need anybody’s help? What if I donot want to stay in this city?
3. The Occurring involved: I feel frustrated thinking I will be rejected. I felt powerless as I thought I might leave this town because of the bad weather so there is no need to look for a job, because if I find one, I will stay here. I do not want to stay here, this means I will not move to look for a job and the people here are not helpful.
4. The reality of the situation. It is raining here as many places. Jobs are not easy to find nowadays because of recession. But If I decide to stay , I need to move and look for a job and build friendships. Or I have to move to other city, but I need to move and look for satisfying job.
5. Reality: This is part of descion process whether I will look for just a job or community to live for long time. It seems that I have to decide first whether to stay in this city or move to other one to start my future community and work.
6 I felt relieved
1. Event : starting a business for which I received recent training.
2. What ifs: What if I start it and I can’t help anyone? What if no one wants to retain me? What if I fail? What if I don’t have enough time to do the business and my school? What if I look like an idiot to people?
3. I will look like a fraud and look stupid. I will be a failure and there will be no bailout to look forward to. There will be no second chance – game over. The business will fail and I will have invested money for nothing. Then all the posturing I have done to appear smart will have been for nothing. I will lose all respect. People will laugh at me.
4. What’s really happening – I took training and have the skills to start my own business. If I don’t try, then there will be no business to succeed or fail.
5. The distinction is in reality I have prepared to do this business … that is real, but the what ifs are only thoughts and are not real at all.
6. I feel lighter … Releasing what ifs is very liberating.
1. Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding.
I’ve been avoiding following up with a prospective employer after an interview I had a few weeks ago
2. See if there are any “What if’s” that are in your way.
What if I annoy them and they change their mind about me? What if they see me as too pushy?
3. Find the occurrings relating to those “What if’s” by answering the “What if” questions. Your answers to these questions are additional occurrings.
If they see me as too pushy or annoying then they wont hire me and I won’t get the job i want, I’ll be stuck in my current job being miserable
4. Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
Right now, I’m reading the response they sent me after the interview and waiting. If i choose to act, all that will happen is that i will type out some words and send it to them
5. Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and your occurrings, the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind.
Right now there is absolutely no connection between my occurings and what the reality is – I am creating a future horror story over the top of what is just a fact of business with no inherent meaning
6. Take note of whether your feelings dissolve or not and post your results below.
I feel I am able to act – there is nothing stopping me now, I’m also feeling very connected to my heart and unaffected by the world around me
Assignment 2 “what if”
1. Notice some action that you’ve been avoiding. It could be anything from going to the gym to calling someone on the phone or creating plans for someone you want or need to do.
Creating my website…
2. See if there are any “What if’s” that are in your way. “What if I fail?” “What if it’s too hard?” “What if I’m too tired?”
What if…not good enough, people are not attracted to it(that’s what came up!!!), I fail in sending the right message accross, being clear, don’t produce results (I sure don’t with no website at all) people don’t like me (wow)
3. Find the occurrings relating to those “What if’s” by answering the “What if” questions. Your answers to these questions are additional occurrings.
I’m not good enough, I’m not capable, I’m have fear of failure, failure is bad.
4. Notice the reality of the situation. What’s really happening? Right now.
All those occurrings are creating so much fear, anxiety and lack of confidence that I stopped myself from doing any action towards starting my website
5. Distinguish between what is actually happening in the physical world and your occurrings, the meaning you are giving the events that exists only in your mind.
Creating my website is an event I want to do
All the negative meaning- the occurrings attached to the “what if” is preventing me to go ahead.
6. Take note of whether your feelings dissolve or not and post your results below.
Without all these negative thoughts, this is a creative process I could have fun with, test it & change it i I want.
By doing it sooner than later, I could help so many people by what I share & by offering my services which I’m good at and do what I love to do. Why wait? Feelings of excitement & empowerment. TKS
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